Reasons Men Leave Their Families

More than 24 million children are raised in homes where the biological father is not present, and the number is growing. What that means is that men - fathers - are increasingly likely to leave the home before their children turn 18.

The reasons men leave their families or become less involved if they do not live in the same household as their children, are varied. Some reasons I have found include:

Unresolved issues with the mother

Many fathers check out of their children's lives because they don't feel like the hassle of having bad conversations or drama with the mothers. They would rather avoid the conflict than have unpleasant conversations, fights, etc. In the process of avoiding the conflict, they also avoid the children. This can even happen in situations where the fathers were very involved in the children's lives once upon a time, before the breakup.

Demanding work schedule

Working overtime or in a location far away from the children's home can mean fathers see less of their children. The additional work hours can require adjustments on the part of one or both parents, including adjusting lifestyle, visitation, etc. The change can also require additional cooperation on the part of both parents, to make sure the father remains in the children's lives.

New relationships

Some fathers make sure to remain in their children's lives regardless of who is in their lives. Other fathers, though, find it difficult to maintain contact when they begin dating or get married. For them, new dating or marital relationships mean their children see them less because of new demands on the fathers' time, insecurity of the new mates, conflict between the mother and new mate, etc.

Incarceration or drug abuse

Incarceration takes fathers away from many children. I see it daily in my work in the prison system. Drug abuse also is a reason why many fathers leave their children. The drug abuse and incarceration are often very closely related, as one often leads to the other.

Father absence has many causes. Addressing the causes of father absence can help fathers learn how to maintain relationships with their children, even when the relationship between the parents has failed.

When we address father absence to help keep more fathers in their children's lives, we can have a positive impact not only on the lives of those individual families and children, but also on our communities.

Children need their fathers.