Sometimes words of criticism come easier to our lips than words of affirmation. When a child does something we disapprove of, we are quick to jump all over them. However, when the same child does something good, we seldom say anything. If we do say something, our words of praise in no way measure up to our words of criticism. Think about that. If you are going to criticize, shouldn't you make sure that the intensity of your criticism matches the intensity of your praise? Yet how often do we go overboard in our disciplinary language and barely squeak out our words of praise.
"Well my kid never does anything right." One Dad told me this. Of course that is nonsense! There are no absolutely bad children. Would it shock you to learn that your children are behaving, at least in part, in the manner you have conditioned them to behave? It's true. If the only attention they ever get from you is negative attention, they will choose negative behavior. This is simply because no child will choose to be ignored! If you ignore their good behavior, there is no motivation for them choosing that behavior. Isn't that how you behave at work? If you constantly do right and are productive, but you are never recognized, praised, or promoted for doing so, how long do you think that behavior will last? Not long, I am sure!
The truth is, that you signed up for that job to work, not to be praised, but you still expect to be noticed for your effort. Your children, on the other hand, did not sign up to be in your family. They are not employees, or robots. They are your kids, and it is up to you to affirm the behavior you want. You must do this purposefully and consistently if it is going to be effective.
So today, you are going to make an effort to offer words of affirmation and praise. These words may sound something like this:
- Hey buddy, I sure am proud of you for how you finished your dinner.
- I really like the outfit you are wearing today.
- Do you know what? I really like the imagination you showed on that project.
- Thanks for doing your homework so quickly! I really noticed how hard you worked!
- Etc.
It's not hard, it just takes looking on purpose. Here are some additional things to help you do this today.
- Consciously keep your criticism in line with your praise.
- For every criticism or negative, find a positive to equal it out.
- Be purposeful in your praise. Look for anything you can find to praise them for.
- Don't expect an immediate reaction. Your kids may not be used to that behavior from you, so give it a little time.
- Realize your children are children. They are not adults. Don't apply adult standards to them. That isn't fair, and they can't live up to them.
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