Mothers love their sons and want the best for them, but many mothers unknowingly raise their boys to be lazy, irresponsible, and lacking work ethic. In their attempts to shield their sons from hurt, nurture them, or be theirs sons' "friend," some mothers foster feelings of entitlement and irresponsibility.
If you are a single mother, check out these ways you could be unintentionally hurting your son:
Making him head of the household. A male child is not a man. He is not emotionally, financially, or in any other way equipped to handle the adult responsibilities of your household. Besides this, making him head of the household confuses him. He gets the responsibility at home but then at school or elsewhere, he must suddenly again become a child. He will not want to give up the authority you have given him at home, and as a result, will have trouble with authority at school or in other places. This can lead to discipline problems in school, including suspensions or worse. Allow your son to keep his rightful place in your family: As your child, not your man, not the head of your household.
Creating extreme emotional dependence. When you put too many of your emotional needs on your son, then he is at a disadvantage. Having a healthy, affirming relationship with your son that makes him secure in his home and the love of his family is a positive thing. But when you coddle him, allow him to sleep in your bed past a certain age, and engage in other inappropriate behaviors, you cross boundaries and increase the likelihood that he will become unhealthily dependent on you, possibly fitting you into the role of girlfriend or mate. This can only spell trouble.
Dating multiple men in your son's presence. Dating when you have children can be a tough challenge. You must determine how much to let your children see and how much to shield them. I believe you must err on the side of caution. Don't let your sons meet every man you date. Keep the relationship to yourself unless and until it is a long-term relationship. Otherwise, you run the risk of having your sons see you date many men, which can be confusing and can also undermine the importance of monogamy. This can also harm your son because he doesn't know whether he should become attached to or comfortable with any man you bring home. If he sees a series of men cross the doorstep, he may decide to hold back for fear that the man he embraces and welcomes to your lives will not be there tomorrow. Children need to feel safe in their homes. Don't make your home be a carousel of different men.
Focusing too much on his physical presence. Mothers often focus on how cute or handsome their sons are and how physically strong. While it is good to provide positive reinforcement, constantly highlighting how good your son looks is harmful. You create in him a sense that his looks are most important and that if he looks good enough or is physically strong enough, then women will fawn over him, buy him gifts, etc. You son's value - just like your daughter's - must be in more than just looks.
Giving your son too much of what he wants without a work requirement. Many mothers shower their sons with "wants" and gifts but do not require much of them, in terms of work, responsibility, etc. Require that your son do chores around the house, do his best in school, participate in your community or church, etc. Tying rewards to satisfactory work helps to build a better work ethic than simply providing gifts and rewards with no regard for work. You don't want your son to grow up to be lazy or have a sense of entitlement.
Give your son his best shot at success by eliminating any of these mistakes.
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