Is YouTube Safe For Kids?

The first question we should ask is, are there parental controls in place? Also, is YouTube doing enough about the proliferation of adult related content on its site, if there is any?

First, YouTube does have racy content, but that doesn't mean it features porn related material. If you consider snippets of swim suit clad models sexually suggestive then you need to disable internet access for your child completely. Nudity is natural, not an obscenity. YouTube is not teaching your children to feel ashamed of their body, and neither is YouTube promoting sexual related content that would suggest they go out and have sex.

If violence is a concern for you then YouTube has allowed questionable content to pass through its filters on several occasions. Some of you readers out there may recall the Daniel Pearl execution many years ago which aired on YouTube. This recording was quickly pulled down in time so that not everybody got to see someone get killed. Since then, YouTube has improved its filtering methods so that these incidences do not occur again.

When there was a proliferation of materials on bomb making, and terror related content on YouTube several years ago, this too was caught early enough and promptly removed for public safety. The idea here is parental controls. YouTube offers a variety of settings that will prevent children from accessing anything that could be harmful to them and public safety.

Children are more internet savvy than their parents. YouTube is just one of many sites that have questionable content. Maybe one way would be is to reduce or physically monitor the content their child is watching, or remove it all together.

Is YouTube safe for kids? Yes, it is. Completely safe? No, it isn't. That would depend on the discipline level of parent to child. Content is information, and information is free public access. Whether that content endangers others is purely a matter of personal opinion. If we can show police officers killing or shooting suspects on television, then who is determining why I get to see that information over anything else. Content providers could just as easily tell parents to turn off their television sets, or change the channel. YouTube could show images of war where American soldiers are killing people overseas. Would that be considered indecent material for me or my child to watch?

If the content provider has to be responsible for what it airs on television then how much is too much? Who establishes the limits on gratuitous violence? Parents should be held accountable for the devices they provide their children to watch and listen to, but do not infringe nor impinge on the freedom of information and public access for the free flow of that information. Ultimately, parents have to decide the content they want their child to watch, and if they are unable to control that content then the parent has to remove the electronic devices their children are using. Parents cannot place the responsibly solely on the backs of the content provider. This is because there are no fail safe methods available that will completely shield children from questionable content. It still ultimately fall on the parents.

Organizing a List of Chores For Your Kids

Chore chart systems can really be quite easy. In this article I'll give you some direction effective chore charts used to teach children important adult life skills and give them self-confidence.

My children have been doing chores since they were toddlers. Back then they worked alongside mommy folding laundry and picking up. Then we progressed to new jobs like organizing silverware and dusting furniture. As they got older, the chores changed based on the child's ability. They got the chance to clean the bathroom sinks, empty garbage cans, dust window sills, and vacuum carpets.

Once they could do these chores, usually by age four or five, then we moved on to a four-year-old chore chart. The four-year-old chart was simple and predictable but also presented new challenges each day. It helped the children learn multiple tasks during each week, and offered bonding time with older siblings and parents during some chore time.

Example of a Four-Year-Old's Chore Chart

• Monday- Laundry and silverware, Dinner - Help the cook
• Tuesday- Window Sills, Dinner chore - Help the cook
• Wednesday- Vacuum Family room, Family yard work assignment, Dinner - Help the cook
• Thursday- Empty trash cans and wash one, Dinner - Help the cook
• Friday- Help Mom wash bathroom floors, Dinner - Help the cook
• Saturday- Wash sink in the Fishy Bathroom, Family yard work assignment, Dinner - Help the cook
• Sunday- A day of rest, Dinner - Help the cook
• Say "OK" to all other Instructions too.

At six-year-old, a chore chart, though still very similar to the four-year-old's chart, requires more independence. And, because they are still quite young, there are still instances where six-year-old children should be working alongside older siblings and parents, which allows for bonding and increased skill development.

Example of a Six Year-Old's Chore Chart

• Monday- Laundry and silverware
• Tuesday- Window Sills
• Wednesday- Vacuum Family room, Family yard work assignment, Dinner- cook with mom
• Thursday- Empty trash cans and wash one
• Friday- Help mom wash bathroom floors
• Saturday- Wash sink in the Fishy Bathroom, Family yard work assignment
• Sunday- A day of rest
• Say "OK" to all other Instructions

A rotating chore chart system, for children over age eight, could be used. Specific lists of chores rotate every week from one child to the next. The variety of chores taught and the opportunity they give each child for skill development and mastery is the main reason for rotating the chores.

Example of Rotating Chores Lists for Two Children Over 8 Years (switch lists each week)

ROTATING CHORE LIST #1 (gets to sit in front seat of car)

• Monday: Cook night & floor, vacuum the upstairs, empty trash cans, laundry
• Tuesday: Set table & dishes, wash small bathroom, dust banister
• Wednesday: unload & clear table, wash one window and blind, sweep garage porch, family yard work time
• Thursday: Cook night & floor, vacuum stairs, wash dust boards
• Friday: Load dishes & clean sink, organize a cupboard or drawer, wash kitchen chairs
• Saturday: Unload & Clean Table, dog poop or cat litter, organize toy room (ask mom), Yard Work assignment

ROTATING CHORE LIST #2

• Monday: Set table & dishes, wash kitchen floor, wash bed sheets, laundry
• Tuesday: Cook night & floor, wash entry tile, wash cupboard fronts,
• Wednesday: Load & clean sink, Vacuum basement, wash toy room floor, family yard work time
• Thursday: Set Table & dishes, wash basement bathroom,dust upstairs
• Friday: unload/clear table, clean master bathroom, clean mirrors and glass
• Saturday: set table & load, Dog poop or cat litter, Stove/Sink/Microwave, yard work assignment

The Stewardship System

I first heard about a stewardship system from my good friend Diann Jeppson, who is a leadership and home education guru. But, even though I had heard about a stewardship approach to doing chores, I didn't feel my children were really ready for it yet. I knew that teaching certain skills would be the first step, then would come the ownership of the chores needing to be done. A stewardship gives a child a deeper understanding of actions, as well as an appreciation for others who perform actions in their behalf.

Stewardships are necessary for teaching someone leadership or self-government. In order to learn self-government, a person has to have a vision of what is possible, and what needs to be done to fix a problem as well as the skills to do the project. Chore stewardships are the perfect mini-projects for developing these skills and problem solving strategies. They are a vital building blocks for healthy, motivated, and confident children and adults.

People who are regularly given stewardships from a young age are usually the people who become great leaders. I have recently made the switch to a stewardship chore system because I want my children to have leadership opportunities.

How to Design Your Chores Stewardship System

For older children who have mastered basic home cleaning, the home can be divided into sections, then list in detail each small job that needs to be done daily and weekly in that section of your home (the lists can get quite long --just think of all that you do in a week to keep a section of the home clean, and write it all down). Once the older children are taught how to properly perform the cleaning tasks that are new to them for their assigned section, they are put in charge of a section. That means they make sure their assigned area's tasks are taken care of on a daily/weekly basis depending on the mini-chores required to keep it clean. (Making sure they take care of their stewardship is a topic for another article, just know that it is possible.) The Stewardships can be rotated as seems appropriate, weekly, monthly, even yearly if that makes sense to you.

In summary, children who are taught how to do chores properly and are, over time, given more responsibility to contribute to the family through their efforts, gain self-confidence, increase family bonding, and learn valuable problem solving and leadership skills. The keys are (1) having a system that everyone understands, one that is tailored to the age and ability of the children, and (2) coaching/teaching children in the chore-skills they need to master to successfully complete their chores.

You Are Pregnant for 15 Months

"You are pregnant for 15 months." This huge statement isn't based upon some strange notion of not agreeing to be induced if a baby is over its due date. Its based upon the physiological norms that our babies expect to happen.

When we conceive our much wanted babies, we work out our due dates accurately. We count forward nine months and a week from our last period and arrive at an expected date of delivery. We know religiously how many weeks pregnant we are. In fact in some cases we know how many weeks, days and hours and even minutes pregnant we are. And yet the reality is that we are only actually carry a baby in utero for 38 weeks but we say 40 weeks for ease of calculation and because we cannot accurately predict when we conceived. There is always the caveat that actually there is a small percentage of us who do actually know the hour and the day when we conceived but that would be another blog.

So now that we have established that we are pregnant, and let's say its nine months for argument's sake, where does the sweeping statement of "pregnant for 15 months" have any credence.

This is based upon what our babies expect from us. Biologically our babies are born very immature, they are unable to survive outside the womb on their own. They are also unable to stand and run around unlike a lot of other mammals and are very under advanced considering in the evolutionary line of things we are very advanced. The reason for this is that the size of the adult human brain would be unable to pass through the 10 cms that nature allocated at birth. So Mother Nature in her wisdom designed our babies to be born and live outside of it's mother's womb at a very immature stage of its development but made a huge allowance for this. Mother Nature did this by designing our babies to still be nurtured fully 100% by its mother for a least an additional 6 months. So if we add the 9 months of internal carrying and nurturing of our babies with the 6 months of external carrying and nurturing of our babies, we as mothers, are pregnant for 15 months.

As humans we are very fortunate. Consider that elephants are actually internally pregnant for 3 years but on the plus side their babies can stand and run at birth. A young elephant calf will continue to nurse for 6 months and will drink 21 pints of milk a day. Imagine trying to express that!

Kangaroos are internally pregnant in the womb for just 39 days but then will nurse for at least 5 months. Another fascinating fact about kangaroos is that they will tandem feed, which means they will feed two joeys of differing ages at the same time and the really incredible feat is that the milk for each joey will be different. Now that is really Mother Nature at its best.

So when considering how to view pregnancy and early babyhood, it is worth the thought that we are actually pregnant for 15 months. So nine months internal, six months eternal.

For more information and support that is tailormade for you as a unique mammal, contact Easy Breastfeeding.

Is Parent Coaching For Me?

Parent coaching is exactly what the name implies. It is NOT therapy. Parent coaching is a relatively new way to support parents who want to parent well. Parenting today is a challenge for which we receive very little training for. Children do not come with an Owner's Manual. Parenting involves certain skills that can be taught, learned, and improved upon with dedicated practice.

What therapy focuses on:

• the past and present
• why me? why this?
• treatment
• undoing
• unresolved issues
• medical model
• healing the past
• absorbing information

BUT coaching focuses on:

• the present and the future
• what now? what next?
• co-creation
• doing
• new goals and actions
• growth and learning model
• creating a future
• acting on information

Who uses parenting coaches?

• Dads
• Moms
• Single Parents
• Stepparents
• Parent Couples
• Adoptive Parents

Why would you have a parenting coach?

Do you find yourself getting frustrated with your children? Do you question your parenting decisions? Do you feel like you and your partner are on different pages when it comes to your children? Do you feel like you have no time or energy left to take care of yourself and your relationship with your partner?

At one point, every parent answers YES to these questions.

How does parent coaching work?

Coaching takes place weekly by phone or in person sessions. I will be your private coach, and my passion is to get you the results you want. You will learn new strategies for handling the struggles you are facing and you will start to parent with confidence. You will be able to face the power-struggles and deal with them and even avoid them.

Through parent coaching you will be able to enjoy the time you spend with your children. You will build a strong family unit. You will make parenting look easy!

Partnering with me, your parent coach, you will see your dream of being a strong family become a deeply satisfying reality. From week to week, you will choose steps for yourself to take you into this new reality. In the midst of whatever parenting problems you face, you will be able to relax and return to your family with new attitudes, understandings and ideas.

Do both parents need to be on the calls?

No. That being said, it's great if they can both work together.

Do you work with groups?

Yes! If you have a few friends and want a regular space to learn and grow as a parent, we can make that happen.

When Is Public Too Public and Should You Care?

One of the biggest worries of a new mother when breastfeeding is the challenge of being out and about with a new baby. Breastfeeding is so easy and convenient and one of its distinct advantages is that when you do venture out with the baby, then there is not a whole plethora of equipment needed for when its time to feed.

You've been told it's just so easy when you need to feed. Food on the go, the ultimate fast food for babies. Or is it? When it's actually time to feed your baby in public, is it so easy? In those early days when you're still struggling with attachment and positioning and just getting the baby to latch on is like completing a marathon, is it easy? It's fine when you're at home and you can strip off and spend five minutes making sure the baby is positioned correctly as you remember the right order to do things. Was it nose to nipple first or chin leading? When you're in that café and on view of the rest of the customers, you suddenly don't think that perhaps that five minutes whilst you get it right is appropriate viewing for the lunchtime rush. You're not sure if Café Nero had actually accounted for the free showing of your breasts to the rest of its clientele.

So what is the answer? Do you spend hours and hours at home practicing until you can accurately position and attach in 10 seconds and under? You begin to time yourself; you've finally found a use for the stop watch on your smart phone. Monday was 5 minutes and with daily practice when you've got to Friday, you have it down to just 10 seconds. Your partner is beginning to wonder what all the pieces of paper are around the room that say 1 minute; 40 seconds; and the ultimate one that is written in red; 10 seconds! He probably sighs a big sigh of relief when he realizes its in relation to the attachment race and not in relation to him.

Is there a better way? A more mummy friendly way that also satisfies your baby's hunger and doesn't offend the rest of civilization. There are several considerations you may wish to ponder:

• Take a lactivistic point of view and think that your baby is just feeding and not give it a second thought as to what people think. You never complain when the couple in the corner are smooching over their coffee or when Uncle Ted has spilt all his tea down his tie.

• Think people shouldn't be watching anyway. Doesn't it border on voyeurism which is now illegal? And you never show an interest in what other people are eating for lunch, so why should anyone be interested in what your baby is eating.

• Consider the point that actually in England if anyone asked you to stop feeding they would be in breach of the Equality Act 2010 and you could sue.

• Consider the point that actually if you are in Scotland and someone asks you to stop breastfeeding, you can get them arrested. Now its beginning to get more interesting

• There are specifically designed covers that have been created for this particular issue which discreetly cover the breast whilst breastfeeding.

Those are just a few considerations that you may wish to ponder. One thing to bear in mind is that your baby will know exactly the most inconvenient and awkward moment to want to be fed and will make sure that you know about it as well. The only answer to that is, that's parenthood for you - children are designed to embarrass their parents in best way possible and this only increases as they get older. Just remember that they will become teenagers and then the expression "revenge is a dish best served cold" truly comes into its own.

Reasons Men Leave Their Families

More than 24 million children are raised in homes where the biological father is not present, and the number is growing. What that means is that men - fathers - are increasingly likely to leave the home before their children turn 18.

The reasons men leave their families or become less involved if they do not live in the same household as their children, are varied. Some reasons I have found include:

Unresolved issues with the mother

Many fathers check out of their children's lives because they don't feel like the hassle of having bad conversations or drama with the mothers. They would rather avoid the conflict than have unpleasant conversations, fights, etc. In the process of avoiding the conflict, they also avoid the children. This can even happen in situations where the fathers were very involved in the children's lives once upon a time, before the breakup.

Demanding work schedule

Working overtime or in a location far away from the children's home can mean fathers see less of their children. The additional work hours can require adjustments on the part of one or both parents, including adjusting lifestyle, visitation, etc. The change can also require additional cooperation on the part of both parents, to make sure the father remains in the children's lives.

New relationships

Some fathers make sure to remain in their children's lives regardless of who is in their lives. Other fathers, though, find it difficult to maintain contact when they begin dating or get married. For them, new dating or marital relationships mean their children see them less because of new demands on the fathers' time, insecurity of the new mates, conflict between the mother and new mate, etc.

Incarceration or drug abuse

Incarceration takes fathers away from many children. I see it daily in my work in the prison system. Drug abuse also is a reason why many fathers leave their children. The drug abuse and incarceration are often very closely related, as one often leads to the other.

Father absence has many causes. Addressing the causes of father absence can help fathers learn how to maintain relationships with their children, even when the relationship between the parents has failed.

When we address father absence to help keep more fathers in their children's lives, we can have a positive impact not only on the lives of those individual families and children, but also on our communities.

Children need their fathers.

Kid Blogs: A New Passion I Just Discovered

On the weekend, I had the inspiration to set up kid blogs for my kids. My son already had a free blog at blogger so I just had to move it over to a WordPress platform for him, which was pretty simple.

His blog is called "My Karate Life" and he started it a few years ago. He hasn't contributed to it much lately but now that he is trying to get to Japan for the Karate World Championships in July, he is going to start adding content more regularly so that people can follow his progress.

As a mom blogger, it just makes sense to teach my kids to blog. I mean why not. It's simple enough to set up kid blogs and it will give them a little 'real world' education in the online world, as well as a chance to make some money of their own over time and practice some writing skills.

Blogging to make money is a longterm strategy. The more consistently you blog over time, the more highly your blog will rank on the search engines. So why not start now?

I have this found this passion suddenly for setting up kid blogs and if you have a child who is passionate about something, and you think that writing an article a week would be help them become a better communicator, I'd love to help you get some kid blogs up for your children. It's just fun.

It's one of those things that I just want to do, regardless of whether or not I make money.

I have created a header for my daughter's blog already, but she is still deciding what she wants her domain name to be. The ones we have tried to get so far have been taken. My daughter's blog is going to be about cheerleading.

As with any blog, kid blogs need to focus on a specific niche. I figure that once their blogs are running smoothly, they could add other niche blogs to their inventory. As they get older, they will be passionate about other things as well.

Being an example to my kids is important to me and today, helping them learn new skills that will help them later in life is one of the best things a parent can do. Helping them learn to think outside the box, and learn to blog is one.

How are you helping your kids stand out?

Anyway, that's it for today. Just having fun playing with kid blogs and loving it.

Rebecca

Attention All Hard Working Dads - Are You Playing 'Life' By The Old Rules?

Dads often accept a lifetime of getting the short end of the stick because they think everything will somehow work out in the end. But then, their work hours start getting longer and suddenly they find that their jobs are no longer as safe as they had thought. Look at your employment contract right now: what's your notice period? One month? Three months? That's exactly how much security you have. Don't kid yourself that you have permanence.

Of course, the job-for-life generation also told us that if we worked hard we'd end up with a great retirement. If we stuck at that soul-destroying job, when we were 60 we could live fabulously, travel and have a whale of a time (assuming you make it that far). Wait a minute... would those be with those same retirement plans that took a nose-dive in the crash of 2008? Where thousands upon thousands of regular Dads who had worked their whole life for the dream at the end were left stranded?

Analysts are predicting that a large percentage of the population won't be able to retire until their seventies or eighties. They have even gone so far as to brand this as 'The 45 Year Plan' (or 60 year plan for the very unlucky ones) where the average person works for 45 years (that's 90,000 hours by the way) in a thankless job that pretty much chews you up and spits you out with nothing more than a limp handshake and cheap wristwatch to thank you for committing to four decades of wage slavery.

This is the sad reality of the workplace today. The question is: are you still playing by the old rules? Jobs have not always been the default way to make a living. Prior to the Industrial Revolution in the late 1800s, working for yourself was seen as a normal and laudable pursuit.

Some of you may be thinking, 'But I love my job!', 'My company is the best', 'I've never had it so good', 'It's what I studied hard for', 'I've got my eye on that management position'. And so long as you can comfortably accept the following 3 facts, good luck to you:

1. Full time employment is the equivalent to being self-employed with only one client (your employer). If they get into trouble, there goes your income.

2. Someone else is in control of your life. As an employee, the reality is that you have little control over the source of your income. If you already have a lot of debt, your employer can determine whether you get your next pay cheque or end up on the streets.

3. Someone else has control of what you do, when you work, what you earn, what you work on, and when you are allowed to take a day off. You abdicate choice over what you do every day for most of your life in exchange for a pay cheque.

The Homework Problem: How Parents Help Kids Build Good Habits

If your child avoids homework to play video games, you can help him or her make a positive change. To do so, you can raise the hurdle for bad habits and lower the hurdles for good ones. Start by including your youngster in the conduct that needs changing.

Discuss it without lecturing. Preaching makes kids stubborn and uncooperative.

The Homework Problem:

Let's say your Tammy is captivated by video games. Every day after school she grabs a snack and for hours plays her favorite games.

When you say, "Tammy, do your schoolwork, she keeps playing. Finally, you yell, "Do it now or else!" She frowns and puts her games aside but only for a short time.

Tammy quickly does her homework and goes back to her pastime. When you check her work you think, 'this paper looks like a wild turkey dipped in ink walked all over it.' You scream, "Get back here and do this right!" A fight follows.

Play the Game, "Raise the Hurdle"

Research tells us if we want to get rid of a habit, make it inconvenient and harder to do. Ask Tammy what her video games are doing for her. Explore the positives first, then the negatives. "How do you feel about spending so much time playing games?" Maybe she'll say, "Not good." Ask her why. Perhaps she'll say, "Because you get so mad at me," or "Because I waste time."

Ask her if she's willing to try an experiment. Hopefully, she'll say "Yes." Then describe a game called, "Raise the Hurdle." Tell Tammy, "This game will help you get in control of your time. To increase the bar for playing your games, put them in the garage instead of in your room. Do this before you go to bed. It will make it easier to do your homework and chores before you play. When I look over your work and it looks good, you may get your games."

Lower the Hurdle for Good Habits:

Research also tells us to build better behaviors by making them convenient and easier to do. With Tammy's help create a good place to study. If you're like many parents you keep the computer in the kitchen, dining room, or family room to make sure your child is on task. Tell her to, "Make sure your pencils are sharp, your paper is ready, and the computer is on if you need it."

By making the study place ready and close, it will be convenient for Tammy to sit down and do her homework.

Reward Good Habits:

Create a small weekly chart on the fridge. Every time Tammy does her homework well, give her a star. The rest of her reward will be to get her games out of the garage.

The chart will be her visual reminder that she is building a positive behavior. Give her a compliment when she adds a star. She'll feel good about herself too.

Conclusion for Building Good Practices in Kids

It doesn't have to be a fight to solve bad habit problems when you play, "Raise the Hurdle." By lowering the bar for completing homework, Tammy cleared the higher hurdle to her video games.

Use this example to raise other hurdles for your children's troublesome habits and lower them for their good behaviors. Be creative!

How Mothers Are Unknowingly Harming Their Sons

Mothers love their sons and want the best for them, but many mothers unknowingly raise their boys to be lazy, irresponsible, and lacking work ethic. In their attempts to shield their sons from hurt, nurture them, or be theirs sons' "friend," some mothers foster feelings of entitlement and irresponsibility.

If you are a single mother, check out these ways you could be unintentionally hurting your son:

Making him head of the household. A male child is not a man. He is not emotionally, financially, or in any other way equipped to handle the adult responsibilities of your household. Besides this, making him head of the household confuses him. He gets the responsibility at home but then at school or elsewhere, he must suddenly again become a child. He will not want to give up the authority you have given him at home, and as a result, will have trouble with authority at school or in other places. This can lead to discipline problems in school, including suspensions or worse. Allow your son to keep his rightful place in your family: As your child, not your man, not the head of your household.

Creating extreme emotional dependence. When you put too many of your emotional needs on your son, then he is at a disadvantage. Having a healthy, affirming relationship with your son that makes him secure in his home and the love of his family is a positive thing. But when you coddle him, allow him to sleep in your bed past a certain age, and engage in other inappropriate behaviors, you cross boundaries and increase the likelihood that he will become unhealthily dependent on you, possibly fitting you into the role of girlfriend or mate. This can only spell trouble.

Dating multiple men in your son's presence. Dating when you have children can be a tough challenge. You must determine how much to let your children see and how much to shield them. I believe you must err on the side of caution. Don't let your sons meet every man you date. Keep the relationship to yourself unless and until it is a long-term relationship. Otherwise, you run the risk of having your sons see you date many men, which can be confusing and can also undermine the importance of monogamy. This can also harm your son because he doesn't know whether he should become attached to or comfortable with any man you bring home. If he sees a series of men cross the doorstep, he may decide to hold back for fear that the man he embraces and welcomes to your lives will not be there tomorrow. Children need to feel safe in their homes. Don't make your home be a carousel of different men.

Focusing too much on his physical presence. Mothers often focus on how cute or handsome their sons are and how physically strong. While it is good to provide positive reinforcement, constantly highlighting how good your son looks is harmful. You create in him a sense that his looks are most important and that if he looks good enough or is physically strong enough, then women will fawn over him, buy him gifts, etc. You son's value - just like your daughter's - must be in more than just looks.

Giving your son too much of what he wants without a work requirement. Many mothers shower their sons with "wants" and gifts but do not require much of them, in terms of work, responsibility, etc. Require that your son do chores around the house, do his best in school, participate in your community or church, etc. Tying rewards to satisfactory work helps to build a better work ethic than simply providing gifts and rewards with no regard for work. You don't want your son to grow up to be lazy or have a sense of entitlement.

Give your son his best shot at success by eliminating any of these mistakes.

Why Boys Need Male Mentors

Do boys need male mentors? For me, that is no different than asking if flowers need water. The answer to that question becomes obvious if you have ever seen a flower without water. The answer to the original question would also become obvious once you have observed what happens to a generation of boys without the influences of men in their lives.

The answer is yes. Boys need male mentors. In today's culture there are many homes in which the Father may be absent. In those cases it is still necessary for the boys in that home to be exposed to the mentoring influences of men. Single mothers must take great care to see to it that her boys are under as many good male influences as possible. There are many places these mentors can be found.

• Extended family members
• Local Boy Scout Troop
• Men in a local Church congregation
• Etc.

This mentoring is vitally important in the life of boys, especially in their formative years. However, it is helpful if the boys can have mentors through their teen years, and right on up into young adulthood. Please consider the following benefits to male mentoring.

• A Mentor will provide identity. Often young boys without the benefit of male mentors will begin to behave in the more feminine way of the women in his life. This is not to demean the women's efforts, but young boys need men to help mold their identities.


• A Mentor will provide guidance. As his body begins to change, young boys need a trusted mentor to be able to help them through the feelings of insecurity they will experience. As their bodies grow, acne developes, voices crack, and hormones begin to flow, having mentor will answer a number of questions a boy will have, but will be embarrassed to ask his mother.


• A Mentor will provide leadership. Young boys will begin to assert their leadership qualities early on in life. Without the firm hand of an older male mentor, they may become quite difficult to handle. A good mentor can channel the boys desire to take the lead and teach him the proper way to express those desires.


• A Mentor will provide approval. Young boys desperately need approval. The rarely need codling. A mentor (preferably a father) will provide the approval the boys naturally crave, while holding the standard high. You would be amazed how a boys behaviour will change when there is a man in his life who has high expectations of him. The boy will do most anything to seek his approval. This is why so many young men without a male mentor join gangs or are attracted to other wrong influences. They need male approval, and if they are not getting it from a good source, they will get it somewhere else.

Of course a mentor is not always available. If you are entrusted with the rearing of young boys, without the benefit of a male mentor, then you must do the best you can. Certainly it is not a guarantee that you will fail. However, I urge you to seek out a male mentor for you boys if at all possible. You will never regret doing so!

Top 3 Skills Learned At Play

Do you know that young children learn best by playing? Psychology asserts that games and toys play an important role on a child's development. This is why parents love to shower their kids with games and toys, even if they don't have any idea about what toys are appropriate for their child's age. See, games do teach important skills. Young children, in their early development years, learn fast with games, building a good foundation for math, science and various skills.

When you engage a child in some kind of game, you are actually providing him or her a venue to practice early the skills in language, physical or motor, emotional and cognitive or thinking skills of recognition, creativity, and hand-eye movements in a pressure-free, unstructured atmosphere. And, when they do, they acquire skills - such as the ones listed below.

1. Language skills - Experts say that those gurgles you hear from a tot when you engage her in a 'coo and silly sound' game is his or her way of speaking to you, though you hardly know what they mean. But, while you may not recognize what emotions he or she expresses with your game, he or she is responding to your stimulation. Also, when you sing to your baby or read him or her books before bedtime, you are actually teaching her words. When a baby repeats in his or her own way what you are saying, the baby is learning to speak. The little game you are sharing with your child is, in fact, an essential part of teaching language skills.

2. Motor Skills - Have you ever observed a baby trying desperately to grasp your finger if you wave it at him or her? Or, grabbing a rattle and seen the baby reaching out his or her hand to hold it? Then, whatever the baby has in his/her hand will automatically be brought to the baby's mouth. Experts say this is the start of the child practicing motor skills. Whoever first thought of hanging those multi-coloured and sound-producing toys over a crib must have known the logic behind!

3. Cognitive Skills - Babies are truly amazing beings. At such an early age, a baby knows when to get mom's attention. Just a cry and mom's coming. This is the start of cognitive thinking. Giving a set of puzzles to a young child will set him or her to putting the pieces together. Whether he or she succeeds or not doesn't matter; what's important is, the baby is trying to figure out a way of doing it correctly. Left on his or her own, the baby will most likely succeed later.

Surviving the First Year of Motherhood

We never feel the situation until we personally experience it. I never knew how much my mother suffered for raising me until I became a mother myself.

Motherhood is hard and even harder than what I thought; no one could ever be compared to a mother. After having my baby girl, I felt my life somehow ended and someone else's life was the center of my full attention all day and night.

I will never try being a hero and say it was easy and I was enjoying it so much, No, not at all, I was desperate for almost the first four months, it was all a mess, my life, my husband's life, everything was just out of control. I felt like my all was in a coma and needs to get back to life.

I just found myself walking through the joy of having a baby vs. sleep and rest deprivation. Adjusting your life after having a baby is the clue I discovered to having a well-balanced life, we as mothers should try our best to avoid the postpartum depression which all mothers mainly experience a slight range of.

We should schedule. Yes, scheduling your baby's life will affect on you. Definitely, this will never work as magic from the first week or even the second but will end up working and you should never give up.

Putting your baby to bed at the same time every night no later than 8:00 will give you around 3 hours of time to relax. Following a simple and fixed routine in your baby's life will help you both. Give your baby a warm bath, this will encourage her to get calm and sleep fast. Also warm milk before bed works like magic; adjust her last meal as milk before bed time because milk has a formula that helps her to relax and enjoy a long night sleep.

Naps during the day is also so important, it gives you time to cook and do your entire house work. You should let her nap for 3-4 hours per day. Put her in bed, let her cry herself to sleep, there is no harm in that.

Have an uninterrupted talk with your husband or even a friend, a relaxing bath, or even just some peaceful time for reading will help you through your day. Give yourself a break, get a day off with your girls just for fun, and be refreshed to get your energy back for your baby.

Asking for help when things are out of control is never wrong, we as mothers are also humans, and we have times of breaking down and losing all the power to go on. Getting closer to your family and sharing the parenting wisdom of your mother will put things back on track.

The most important part of all of this is "The left-behind husband", don't ever forget about him, it's all times mothers' common mistake, taking care of the baby and neglecting the husband!!! They never understand our situation and the pressure we pass through, they only get jealous, react weird and this will all end in a dramatic way.

Balancing between them both will make your life better, there will times when you have to give up being a mum for a while and start the wife and lover role. There will also be times when you will feel like doing neither of them but pampering yourself.

Last but not least, don't forget yourself through your journey of motherhood and don't let any role gets on the other. Be always the queen who controls her own kingdom.

Why Boys Need Male Mentors

Do boys need male mentors? For me, that is no different than asking if flowers need water. The answer to that question becomes obvious if you have ever seen a flower without water. The answer to the original question would also become obvious once you have observed what happens to a generation of boys without the influences of men in their lives.

The answer is yes. Boys need male mentors. In today's culture there are many homes in which the Father may be absent. In those cases it is still necessary for the boys in that home to be exposed to the mentoring influences of men. Single mothers must take great care to see to it that her boys are under as many good male influences as possible. There are many places these mentors can be found.

• Extended family members
• Local Boy Scout Troop
• Men in a local Church congregation
• Etc.

This mentoring is vitally important in the life of boys, especially in their formative years. However, it is helpful if the boys can have mentors through their teen years, and right on up into young adulthood. Please consider the following benefits to male mentoring.

• A Mentor will provide identity. Often young boys without the benefit of male mentors will begin to behave in the more feminine way of the women in his life. This is not to demean the women's efforts, but young boys need men to help mold their identities.


• A Mentor will provide guidance. As his body begins to change, young boys need a trusted mentor to be able to help them through the feelings of insecurity they will experience. As their bodies grow, acne developes, voices crack, and hormones begin to flow, having mentor will answer a number of questions a boy will have, but will be embarrassed to ask his mother.


• A Mentor will provide leadership. Young boys will begin to assert their leadership qualities early on in life. Without the firm hand of an older male mentor, they may become quite difficult to handle. A good mentor can channel the boys desire to take the lead and teach him the proper way to express those desires.


• A Mentor will provide approval. Young boys desperately need approval. The rarely need codling. A mentor (preferably a father) will provide the approval the boys naturally crave, while holding the standard high. You would be amazed how a boys behaviour will change when there is a man in his life who has high expectations of him. The boy will do most anything to seek his approval. This is why so many young men without a male mentor join gangs or are attracted to other wrong influences. They need male approval, and if they are not getting it from a good source, they will get it somewhere else.

Of course a mentor is not always available. If you are entrusted with the rearing of young boys, without the benefit of a male mentor, then you must do the best you can. Certainly it is not a guarantee that you will fail. However, I urge you to seek out a male mentor for you boys if at all possible. You will never regret doing so!

Building Sets: Helpful Toys For Creativity, Discovery and Exploration

Playtime is a very important part of a child's developmental activities. It is here when vast opportunities are created for his creativity, discovery and exploration. A lot of toys and games proliferate in the market today, giving parents a lot of choices. As there are cheap toys containing toxic materials, though, buying toys for young children should be done carefully. But, if your kid doesn't like the expensive toy you've just bought, then you can't force him to play with it.

Playtime deserves a second look. If you want your child to develop his self-confidence, a good type of building set is the perfect one for a starter. A set of building toys encourages a child to explore options and, thus, gain confidence in his ability to create something by his own. So how does this type of toy help your child?

Recognizing Shapes - Many building sets are deliberately designed to integrate various shapes and sizes that enable the child to make creative pieces. This helps him to recognize differences and similarities among various pieces. Here, the child eventually learns how to integrate the circles into squares, the rectangles into triangles, and so on.

Recognizing Colors - A child immediately recognizes alternating colors or patterns during the building process. It teaches him how the light differs from dark colors if patterns and designs have been established. He can also continue building endless combinations.

Coordination of Hand and Eye - In trying to balance the pieces being put together, sometimes a child experiences tumbling over or crashing down his creation. But, he can repeat the process, and this becomes a very good opportunity to develop hand-eye coordination in young children. When he selects which ones to interconnect, his hand-eye coordination is actually enhanced. What becomes more challenging to him is how to get the pieces snapped together to avoid crashing down again.

Music and Arts Appreciation - Aside from academics, music and arts is another area that parents would love to nurture in their children. By providing tools that can develop appreciation, you can encourage little ones to explore and establish their interests.

Creativity is highly developed by combining pieces of different shapes and sizes in many different ways. It is now the child's prerogative to use his ever growing imagination in building creative masterpieces. Here, the parent's role is also crucial as they have to encourage the child to endure and not be easily discouraged if he fails the first time. The parents' gentle coaxing will all the more enhance self-confidence in the child.

Is It Misbehavior?

Lately I've worked with grade school children who have "misbehaved" in some pretty major ways. We have running away from organized activities, hitting family members, and yelling insulting things at parents, to name a few. These are reasons for parents, teachers, and therapists to put their heads together to figure out what is going on and help these children to behave better.

In all cases I am advising the parents to go easy on the punishment. Is this because I'm one of those free-thinking, loosey goosey psychologists? Well, I don't think so. I certainly agree that children should not behave in this way. The children know this as well. They all feel quite bad about themselves. The parents are at a loss because punishments are not leading to better behavior. Yet they know that they cannot tolerate this behavior and be responsible parents.

This gets to my title. When you simply think of bad behavior as bad behavior, you are likely to want to deal with it with punishment. We get further by trying to understand and helping children to learn better ways to deal with frustrations. Often "misbehavior" is an immature or impulsive solution to a problem. If adults can join with children in trying to understand the problem, they can also help children learn better strategies. Here are some thoughts about how to do this.

1. Adopt a problem solving, questioning approach. This might help you be more calm as you address the problem. Problems don't get solved when the participants are very angry.


2. Accept that you are in a bad place and it might take a some time to figure out what else to do.


3. Involve your child in the problem solving and questioning. This might help you understand what the trigger is for the behavior.


4. If your child has a learning disability, consider how this might be affecting his or her coping. For instance, a child who has great difficulty with transitions, might act out when surprised by a change in routine.


5. Instead of punishing consider brainstorming some alternative behaviors and praising your child whenever he or she uses them.


6. If you do punish, keep it brief-something like no screens for the rest of the day. Define this ahead of time, so your child knows that if he does _______, he will lose screens. Only use punishment if you are also praising or rewarding the good behavior.

I know that this is a tall order. Many people need the help of a psychologist or therapist to help with the problem solving. But in time, many families learn to do this. When they do, they can get past "misbehavior" with less disruption to all. I wish you well. And I would be interested to know what strategies have been helpful in your family.

Are You Nagged? "Yes Dear, I Will Clean the Carpets This Weekend"

Every morning for the past two weeks all you've heard is, "When are you going to clean our carpets? They look terrible. I don't even want to invite my friends or family over because this place feels and looks filthy. Fred, get off your butt and do it!"

What a miserable way to start out your day, right? Well, you're not alone. I believe every man in the world is confronted with a morning 'acid wash' of complaints and criticism. It's just so hard to paint a smile on your face and say, "Yes Dear."

I felt the same way for years and then made a life saving discovery.

Did you know that new technology has been brought into home owned carpet cleaners? Today's technology is like a breath of fresh air for you when you're confronted with this miserable task.

I know because a friend told me about it and I immediately moved on it.

Some of today's major manufacturers of vacuum cleaners and carpet shampooing machines have introduced technology that didn't exist a year ago.

The machine I bought has a grouping of brushes that are driven by a powerful motor. The brushes introduce chemical cleaning solutions to the carpet surface and then dig deeply into the fabric to remove any and all dust, stains, grime, spills and dirt.

Added to that, they now have an extra tank of DEEP CLEANING chemicals specifically for removing stains. Stains that were driving my lady absolutely up the wall. I run the cleaner over the stains and simply press a button and ZAP, the stain is gone.

Just yesterday I heard my lady start in. I happened to have a free morning and told her to relax and that all will be fixed in an hour.

It was so simple. I went to the closet, removed my new machine, filled it with the fluids necessary and stated in. In less than an hour our place was bright and shiny again.

More importantly, the incredible feelings I have had for this wonderful woman returned when she commented, "Wow! How did you do that in less than an hour? And, it looks beautiful."

You see, this task of carpet cleaning could be detrimental to the relationship that you hold so dearly. Give in to it and fix the problem.

Next week you too will be enjoying the warmth, caring and love of your most precious relationship.

Bed Wetting Chronicles - Convert an Epic to a Short Story

It's often said there are no training wheels for parenthood, an nowhere is that more true than in the case of dealing with bedwetting. Every child is unique and what appears to stem the nightly showers in one child has no effect on another. Even so there are a few myths that bear dispelling, to help you on you way.

A) Don't Give Them Water after Dark - nothing could be further from the truth. In fact a moderate intake of water helps to stretch out the bladder, which is is crucial for getting over night time bed wetting. Clearly a jugful is not the right dosage right after dinner, but a glassful ofwater will help to settle the digestion and provide a good night's sleep.

B) Preempt Bedwetting by Carrying them to the Bathroom in the Night - while this sounds like a good idea, and does in fact help to keep your sheets clean in the short run, it actually has a reverse effect on stopping bedwetting. The child gets used to being carried, and does not learn to dial into the urination sensation.

C) Use a diaper so your Child won't be Embarrassed - you do want to spare your child awkwardness, however diapers, like the above air-freighting of the child negatively impact sensation and prolong the bedwetting phase.

D) Set a Night Time Urination Alarm - this is an extreme step suggested by some doctors, when there is no progress, however unless you have your back to the wall, don't try this, it'll only develop a new bad habit which will be even harder to get rid of.

Mom's spend a lot of time exchaning notes with one another to figure out how each of them overcame the bedwetting obstacle. In fact, in some cases when their child is older, mom's hide the fact that toilet training is still underway for the child and needs to continue for a few months more. Don't be embarrassed about something which is perfectly natural, does not reflect poorly on your child, and is most importantly not his fault. And absolutely don't take yor frustration out on him.

To help your child overcome bedwetting, the best thing you can do is invest in a large rubber sheet, provide an illuminated path to the potty seat, and a supportive family environment. Persistence and patience will ensure that before you know it your bedwetting journey will be a thing of the past, and you can look forward to tackling your next parenting challenge.

Thanks, But No Thanks! Dealing With Unwanted Parenting Advice

There are times in the lives of mothers that they want to seek advice from experienced mothers about certain aspects of parenting. These pieces of advice will somehow lessen the fear that most first-time mothers feel when taking care of their children. Moreover, a parenting advice will also help mothers learn the tips and techniques for dealing with various parenting problems. But what would you do if someone is giving you unsolicited advice?

It is natural for some people to give comments and advice about parenting especially when they have personally applied them in their parenting style. However, there are certain advice that can contradict with the feelings and thoughts of the one who is receiving it. Unwanted or unsolicited advice can be annoying at times. However, it is not enough to be rude to the one who is giving the advice.

Below are several ways that mothers can use to handle unwanted parenting advice from their friends, families, and even strangers.

Learn to Listen and Analyze the Situation: Some mothers have mistaken the insights given by another person as a form of criticism. However, there are instances that people are just merely sharing their opinions on a certain situation. For this reason, it is important that mothers learn to listen to the comments and analyze whether or not the person is sharing valuable insight.

Most of the time, these people do not want any harm and are just trying to help. It would be better if mothers are always ready to give their responses that will help them manage the conversation without being rude or inconsiderate. As much as possible, they should remain polite throughout the conversation.

Trust Your Instinct: You know your children better than any other person in the world. It is important that you always trust your instinct when making important decisions involving your child's health or future. If someone has given an unwanted advice, it would be better of you just say "Thank you."

Enhance Your Parenting Skills: Reading books and articles that tackle various parenting issues will help mothers enhance their knowledge about the different aspects of motherhood. It will give them an idea on how to handle different situations. If they want, they can share what they have learned to others. People are more likely to accept an advice if they know that it has been validated by professionals.

Learn to Disregard Mean-Spirited Advice: There are people that will directly tell you that the way you are raising your child is wrong. It would be better if mothers just ignore this kind of advice and do no let it affect their parenting abilities. If the person still insists her side, it would be better if mothers will express their sides and be honest about their feelings. However, it is important that they choose their words carefully and converse in a tactful way as much as possible.

Consider Joining a Parenting Club or Support Group: There are several clubs and support groups that are established especially for mothers. These groups enable their members to share their parenting techniques and styles with one another. These styles and techniques will help mothers be more confident about their parenting capabilities. Moreover, it will also give them the strength to face those people who have different beliefs on child rearing.

In most cases, mothers find the advice given by other people about parenting helpful. However, there are instances that these people give unwanted advice that are not only irritating but also affect the way mothers view their parenting capabilities. It is important that mothers learn how to deal with this advice and trust on their parental instinct.

How A Mother Should Feel While Breastfeeding

How a mother should feel while breastfeeding is a topic not often discussed in social gatherings, not even amongst close friends. The reason I chose this topic is because I am a professionally breastfeeding consultant. The link at the bottom is a professionally written first person account of my experience receiving and sampling breast milk.

In order to get a better understanding of the nature of breastfeeding, a mother must ask herself, why am I doing this? Why can't I just use formula, it's easier and less hassle. Who wants to be inconvenienced with having to sit down with a baby and then waste time feeding it? If I give the baby a bottle, then I can do other things, like cooking and cleaning.

After interviewing several mothers in Japan many have told me that in general they like to wean their newborns off milk as soon as possible. Often times this is due to them having to work or assume other duties. The problem here is obviously time. If you do not have the time nor the patience then do not breastfeed. This is because babies need time to latch, and you need to be able to understand the baby's needs and how it latches. I learned these things when I assumed the role as receiver. Like a baby, I had to understand how to make the milk come out through suckling, not by using my hands. No verbal communication except baby sounds were permitted.

The mother would then apply pressure to her own breast in order to get the milk to release in rhythm with the babies sucks - my sucking. I was able to achieve this after 5 minutes and I think the reason why was the eye contact that was established early on in the preparation stages. Breastfeeding is an intimate activity, even for real babies. It required skin contact, embracing, and being in close proximity to each other for extended periods of time.

What a mother should feel is pure joy in that she is providing the best possible nourishment for her child, and also that she is bonding with her baby at the same time. The mother should feel relaxed and confident. A lot of mothers bring up the confidence issue when they are talking with me about breastfeeding. Many fear that their milk will be rejected by the baby, or they feel that their milk will not taste good. There are also feelings of inadequacy, which may be a cultural stigma.

Some mothers wean their babies off early because they feel that over attachment is not good for the baby, and that it will grow up over dependent on its mother. What you want to take from this essay is that breastfeeding good for both mother and baby. It's good because you are bonding, and through bonding you are forming a vital connection between mother and baby.

Try to relax, set aside an hour of your time a day. Play some soft music and be patient. Feeling confident is what you need to be affirming and reaffirming as you breastfeed. You are nurturing the baby. You are feeling the baby's warmth and listening to it breath. It is a beautiful feeling and experience.

Why Is It Safe to Hypnotize Kids?

Naturally, any parent would want to be fully aware and have an understanding of all the processes involved if they were going to allow their kids to undertake any form of hypnosis or hypnotherapy. Parents focus on protecting their children. That is the innate driver for most parents in the animal kingdom - protect your offspring. Humans are no different.

Yet we hear today so much in the media about hypnosis, hypnotism, hypnotherapy, neuroscience and other related talk therapies. Yet still, and rightly so, parents are uncertain about using hypnotherapy and hypnosis with their children.

But it can be safe to hypnotize kids. You just need to know some of the critical steps that make it safe.

1. Firstly, if you are using a hypnotherapist, get references from previous clients. Obtain valid and reliable references from previous clients who have had their child treated. It is critical you speak to them, don't just take the therapists word for it.

2. Secondly, ask, inquire and be diligent in understanding the training, education and ongoing professional development of your proposed therapist. Many therapists, in many countries can call themselves a hypnotist or hypnotherapist without any form of regulation of qualification. Dealing with children is a specialized area. You must ensure they know what they are doing and are trained to do so.

3. Thirdly, sit in on the sessions. Good hypnotherapists will insist you sit in on the session. If they don't insist, walk away. A child should be able to go into a light hypnotic state easily whether you are in the room or not. The only possible problem with this is if there is some issue in which your presence affects the child's ability to respond to the hypnotherapist. For example, you may put pressure on your child to study hard all the time, and your child has low self - esteem. If this is the case, your therapist should identify the conflict and communicate with you separately about the issue. If the therapist believes the child will respond better if you are not present in the session, as someone else the child trusts to sit in on the session. It is not that hypnotherapists are bad. It is just that it is not appropriate to leave a child alone under therapy with a stranger. That is why all professional hypnotherapists will insist an adult is present. They should also ask your permission to record the session. This is normal and is important for their professional integrity.

Hypnotherapy, whether for a child or an adult, is designed to help someone to move forward. They may have bad habits, phobias, significant past events or other issues that have become locked in their mind. Hypnotherapy is a valid and reliable tool to help with these issues.

Sometimes we all get stuck in thinking patterns that aren't helpful and that cause us grief. Children are no different. In fact, undergoing "good" hypnotherapy helps children learn good ways to think. It helps them learn how to undo and delete negative thoughts. It builds self-esteem and helps them develop into successful adults.

Investing in Relationships With Your Children

Last week I gave a talk to a group of elementary school parents about ways to decrease nagging their children. The talk packed in the information from three or four parent coaching sessions. It was full of specific suggestions for behaviors for parents to try. I know that this approach works because I have used it on many occasions with all sorts of parents.

When you sum up the steps it really comes down to cultivating a better relationship. In fact, it works with anyone in your life. You try to communicate clearly with others in ways that they can understand. And you appreciate whatever people does that pleases you or helps you out.

People are most likely to be cooperative in a family or a business when they feel appreciated. In a families we all need to feel cared for. This really comes before looking for cooperation, and it is an aspect that can be lost in very busy lives.

I like to give people specific recommendations, so one suggestion I often give parents is to spend some time each day (maybe only fifteen minutes) with your recalcitrant child. In those minutes you do with your child whatever she would like (within the bounds of behavior in your home). So, if your child wants to watch a TV show with you, that's what you do. If your child wants help with a new Lego set, that's what you do. Parents are often surprised to see the results of this simple change. The hard parts of it are being regular, and resisting the temptation to use the time to pursue your goals. This is a way you cultivate the relationship so that you can be more successful in eliciting cooperation later.

There is a second way to cultivate a relationship in which your children will be more cooperative. That is to offer empathy when your child is frustrated or upset. Here's a lovely blog post on that topic. http://www.allisonandrewspsyd.com/2013/01/19/sisters-and-brothers-and-power-of-empathy/#comment-343. Let's face it-we all like to feel understood. It is a gift we can give our children and family members. When we feel understood, we are more likely to want to work together.

I am not saying this is easy. It isn't. But these steps are investments in relationship that pay back very well. Furthermore, these investments cost no money. They have nothing to do with material gifts. They have to do with the gift of your presence and your understand-the most valuable gift.

The Next Level of Parenting

So many people ask me how to take their parenting to the next level, even with their out-of-control children. A man I really admire named Jeffrey Holland said, "... the only real control in life is self-control." True self-control is the next level of parenting. Here's why.

You can control the settings on your computer, and control the television choices that come into your home. You can control all the things written down as your Family Standard and you can control what your family eats for dinner, but you can't control another person. No matter how hard you try and how much power you try to look like you have, the only person you can control is yourself.

Since that is the case, we should capitalize on that power we have to control ourselves, or govern ourselves. If we can control ourselves then we have no need to try to control another person, because our self-control will come across as a feeling of confidence and power. This is the next level of parenting! When a person has the confidence which comes from self-government that person is respected and looked up to. Then control isn't really necessary.

So, if we want to inspire our children or friends to have more self-control then we need to be the example. The more self-control we have the more our children will want to respect us and want to be around us.

Every time I am with a group of young people I am one of the most strict, or principled, adults the youth have met. Most adults would think this is not a good impression to a group of young people, but I have found the result on the young people to be just the opposite. Young people respect me and flock to me. They see I am a fun person, but also a very controlled, principled person as well. They often respect me more than they respect other adults who are just there for a laugh or going along for the ride, because they feel that I stand for something and that I really believe in doing something about what I stand for.

Self-control, and personal statement makes an honest person. The youth know what they will get with me and they know what the expectations are. And, my expectations are high. They like that too. People like to be around honest people. They feel safe and inspired.

The only real control and real power we have is self-control. When Benjamin Franklin was a young man he noticed thirteen things he didn't like about himself and made a list of them. Then he took his list and one by one conquered each of the flaws on the list. He practiced self-control. Since he practiced self-control he was powerful. He was able to have influence in many nations. There was no man in the Americas more respected the Benjamin Franklin, save maybe George Washington, who was another amazing example of self-government.

Take your parenting to the next level in your home and be an influential and happy parent by choosing to control yourself. No more excuses. We all need to recognize that we are the key to our own happiness and to our family's desire for self-control, for all the amazing things that stem out of developing the powerful characteristic of self-governing or, more commonly termed, self-control.

Breast Pump - Should You Go for Manual or Electric?

A lot of new mothers today prefer to pump milk instead of breastfeed, and not because they don't want to breastfeed their baby, but because they can't afford to due to medical reasons. For instance, some women have inverted nipples. Such issue can actually be solved, but instead of forcing their babies to suck and get very little, these women just opt for a better solution, which is pumping milk. If you're a new mother yourself, you probably realize that there are two types of breast pumps: manual and electric. You're also probably here because you want to find out which of the two is better.

The Design

The design of both manual and electric breast pump is actually similar. Both have a shield you fit over your breast that works as the suction and a bottle to collect the milk with. The only difference is that manual pumps are a lot more portable and don't need electricity to operate. Electric pumps are bulkier in design and are rather loud.

The Function

Both manual and electric pumps have similar functions. With a manual breast pump, however, you will need to perform short quick squeezing motions to express milk. Also, with a manual breast pump, you can only express milk one breast at a time. Meanwhile, an electric breast pump has a machine to go with it that is the one sucking air through the tubes to express milk from either breast.

The Efficiency

There is no question to the efficiency of a manual pump, especially if it's one made by a good company like Avent. However, there is also no question that an electric pump has the advantage when it comes to efficiency. It is more efficient simply because it allows you to express milk on both breasts simultaneously. What's more is that you can do all that in just about fifteen minutes. As mentioned, you will need to perform quick pumping motions with your hand with a manual pump, which can be very tiring. In addition, it takes more than ten minutes to express milk from one breast, which means it can be very time consuming.

The Bottom Line

Choosing between a manual and an electric pump depends on the one who's going to use it. If you want a cheaper pump, then by all means go for a manual model. However, you should also keep in mind that while an electric breast pump is a little bit more expensive, the experience if offers you is worth every penny you pay for it.

Discipline Vs Punishment

Is there a difference? You bet there is! The hard part is... they often feel one in the same.

Last week I had a very important conversation with Daniel that I hope will stick with him for the rest of his life. He is becoming a young man and is now in the world of social media... Facebook, Instagram and the like. We have already had the talk about what to post... we don't post things that are negative or demeaning and if there is something that is bothering him, I better hear it from him rather than from seeing it in a post! A couple times last week we had to have a conversation - not about what he posted necessarily - but what he was sharing from other people... pictures, posts, etc. Needless to say, it resulted in his privileges being taken away for a week (including the use of his phone altogether). I have to give it to him, he is such a good kid and really wants to do right so he was more upset about having to have the conversation than he was about losing his privileges. After it was all over, he came to me and asked... "So am I in trouble or is this like 'a lesson'?". I'm glad he asked.

I had to explain to him that while there were consequences to his actions, our decision to give him a "time-out" from technology was more for the purpose of allowing him time to think about what he says and does rather than to punish him for doing something wrong. He is still maturing (physically, mentally and spiritually) and there is a level of understanding he does not yet possess. We felt it very important to allow him to learn from his actions while still experiencing the result of unintended wrongdoing. Even as an adult... just because you didn't know the speed limit doesn't mean you won't get a ticket if you are speeding. Hopefully, it teaches you to be more aware of your surroundings so that it won't happen again (or if it does happen again it was because you chose to ignore it!).

Later on, Daniel even came to me and said... "Dad, I really think I just don't want to be on Facebook or Instagram at all.". Like I said, in his heart, he wants to please people and do whatever necessary to not get "in trouble" but this wasn't a realistic choice to me either (it's like choosing not to drive a car because you got a speeding ticket!). This gave us yet another opportunity to talk about the reality of guarding our heart from things that might make us want to do wrong. Sometimes we do need to completely give up things that cause us to stumble, but at this point, I would rather him learn to use them responsibly. After all... in today's world, Facebook and Instagram are just another means of communication and whether you are saying it or typing it (or even thinking it) you eventually have to learn the art and skill of effective communication to be successful. I really like the acronym that his school uses for things like this... THINK. Before saying (or repeating) something, ask yourself... Is it TRUE? Is it HELPFUL? Is it INSPIRING? Is it NECESSARY? Is it KIND? If not, then maybe you might need to ask yourself if it needs to be said at all.

While disciplining yourself isn't always fun... it gets easier with practice. It doesn't have to feel like punishment. It's all in how you approach it.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11

5 Ways to Reduce Stress and Handle Those Challenging Mommy Moments

Cuddles, kisses, storytime, napping together in the afternoon-motherhood is so relaxing. Not! The truth is, it can cause us to be rushed (We're going to be late for school!), unorganized (Where's your backpack?) and stressed (I was supposed to bring homemade cupcakes TODAY?).

Calm down, eating the right foods can help to reduce stress and counteract those challenging days of motherhood. Stress overload affects the mind, body and behavior in many ways. Prolonged stress overload can lead to memory problems, a poor immune system and cause aches and pains, high blood pressure, constipation and irritability-all of which are counterproductive to motherhood. Try these foods to stay mellow and to counteract the effects of stress on your body (and your kids!).

• Milk - Mom was right! Drinking warm milk can help with insomnia. Studies also show that calcium can reduce muscle spasms and soothe tension. You can gain the stress-busting effects by drinking at least one eight oz. glass of skim or low-fat milk a day.

• Almonds, Pistachios and Walnuts - There's nothing like a little crunch to tackle stress. These nuts are also loaded with vitamin E, an antioxidant that bolsters the immune system, and B vitamins, which help clear your mind. Grab a handful or try an almond butter sandwich... yum! Kids love 'em too.

• Blueberries - Packed with vitamin C, this magical fruit helps reduce both the physical and psychological effects of stress. Plus they are bursting with antioxidants to help your body repair the effects of stress.

• Spinach - Added to smoothies, sautéed or as a salad, spinach is the perfect stress buster. That's because it contains magnesium that prevents blood pressure from spiking. Three cups of spinach has 40 percent of your daily magnesium. Make a fresh spinach salad tossed with walnuts and blueberries on those super stressful days.

• Eggs - Research from Cornell University indicates pregnant women under stress who eat foods rich in the nutrient cholin (eggs) may protect their babies from excess stress hormones and reduce their children's risk for developing stress-related diseases later in life. Not pregnant? You can still benefit from the B vitamins in eggs that help promote healthy brain cells, yielding you with better problem-solving skills and less stress. Try one whole egg daily.

Other ways to reduce stress include meditation, deep breathing and adequate sleep. Remember, you are a model for your children and how you handle stress can affect them not only in the present, but how they handle it in the future as well.

Parenting on Purpose

WELL... it has begun. The fall schedule. At dance lessons this week I had a conversation with another parent and we were talking about everything we had going on. After she listened to our list of "activities", she said (with eyes WIDE opened), "you guys sure are busy!". Yes we are! But here's what I realized a long time ago... we are just busy people - that's who we are. We are happiest when we have things to do, places to be and people to be around. We just are. So Monica and I decided that we would be very purposeful about what we chose to do. It's not about mindlessly filling our calender with "stuff" (because let's face it... that "stuff" can get expensive) but it's about making sure we invest time in areas that help our children grow up to be who they were created to be. It's about cultivating the talents God gave them.

Last night at church, we had a wonderful time of prayer specifically for the coming months and all they hold - a time for parents, children, teachers, schools, activities... all the "stuff" that happens when school starts back and people begin again with the busy-ness of life. During the message, we revisited Proverbs 22:6 and it was a confirmation for me and all I have been praying for my kids since they were born. That they would love God and would be obedient in His calling for their life. Basically, that they would recognize the talents He has given them and would use them to shine in such a way that others would see their gifts and glorify Him. This isn't always an easy thing to do.

Sometimes a child's natural gifting is so evident that you couldn't ignore it if you tried - you see it the moment they pick up a ball or touch an instrument or sing a song. Sometimes you see that a child has a talent in many areas so you struggle to figure out where you should focus your time and energy (and money) to help them best develop. Sometimes you struggle to see just exactly what their talent is because maybe they aren't athletic or musical or perhaps even social. I'm not sure which scenario is most challenging as a parent - to have to make a decision to focus on only one area or to struggle to find ANY. But here's what I am CONFIDENT of... every child IS a gift from God and every child has been given a GIFT from God. Part of our responsibility as parents is to help them recognize both of these truths and then "train them in the way they should go".

I'm sure it will be no surprise to you when I say that I LOVE being a parent. People who have endured the teenage years tell me... "Just wait until they become teenagers... ". I know that each season brings different challenges which is why I try to be very purposeful about staying a part of my kids' lives so that, when things change or new challenges arise, I know what's going on. That's the reason I had to make a job change to be home with them more. I realized I couldn't be a father to my children when I was always traveling and never physically present. Now that my children are 9 and 12, it has never been more important to me than NOW that I be very purposeful - and PRAYERFUL - about all that we are involved in.

Our time is limited. There is only so much time in the week to do all we want to do... but also, my time with them will be gone as soon as I blink my eyes. I can't waste it. I must be very purposeful about how I "train them in the way they should go".

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

My Kid Hates Kindermusik

So my kid hates Kindermusik. He's a little behind on his speech, but he is constantly 'on the go'. When I heard about Kindermusik, I thought it would be a good thing for him. I knew that it worked on motor skills and could also help with communication. And since Lil Man is all about movement, I thought it would be the perfection combination. NOT!

Our preview visit was a disaster. He spent most of the time just glued to me. But I discussed it with Hubby, and we decided this was something that we needed to do. With him being an only child and no family nearby, we feel that it's important to give him as many opportunities with other kids as we can.

But Kindermusik is definitely beyond his comfort zone. I'm not the most outgoing person myself. I can be (at times), but I can also be incredibly shy. And I see that in my son. I don't want to force him into things, but I want to at least give him the opportunity to try, even if it's a little uncomfortable for both of us at first.

The second visit of Kindermusik was pretty much just as painful as the first. But we stayed, and I tried my best to let him relax with all of the activity of the other kids.

By the third visit, he was at least off of me and ventured away from me a little. That's progress right?

The fourth visit was still painful, but he ventured off of me. And this time he went up with the other kids to get a musical instrument. He would rather throw the instrument than tap it softly, but he at least walked up, reached out and took an instrument. He also helped put the toys back into the basket. I'm beginning to see a little interaction, which in my opinion is a step in the right direction.

But it hurts. My heart breaks to think that he wants a toy, but is too shy to go and get it. My heart breaks to think that he wants to be a part, but is too scared to know how to join in. What's a Mom to do?

I'm beginning to see that this is one of the hardest things of parenting. I have to give my son the opportunities, the encouragement, and the support. But I also have to step back and let him find his way.

Why Parenting Classes Are Valuable

Are you currently expecting your first child and you don't have the slightest idea of what it actually takes to care for them properly once they arrive? Well, there's no need to panic or feel helpless. One of the best things you can do is take parenting classes. This may seem like it's only appropriate for people who already have children. However, there are several reasons why it's also a good idea for you to enroll as well.

The infancy stages can seem like the most difficult time for new parents. That's because the baby is so fragile and sensitive. Therefore, their guardians have to be extra careful about what they are exposed to. Learning what to do and what not to do can help you to better prepare yourself to take care of your new bundle of joy. This will help you to cut back on unnecessary mistakes that could potentially harm your child.

Another reason that parenting classes are so beneficial is, because they can actually help prepare you mentally for what lies ahead. Because it will be your first time having a baby, there may be certain things that you aren't aware of. If there is no one in your life to tell you what to expect during the first couple of weeks or months, you could be in for a big surprise. This could make things more difficult for you and you would be forced to learn as you go. Of course, there are some things you will have to learn on your own. However, by getting the proper training you will at least have a heads up on some of the more pertinent and important issues.

Lastly, taking parenting classes before your child's birth will help to cut down on your stress levels. One of the things that many new moms and dads do is worry themselves too much. They are mainly concerned about whether or not they will be good parents or whether or not they will be competent enough to get the job done. Living with these fears can make what is supposed to be a beautiful and enjoyable time turn into a stressful hassle. Because these courses teach you so many valuable lessons, you won't have to worry about not knowing enough or whether or not you will be a fit guardian.

So, don't overlook the importance of taking parenting classes even before the birth of your first child. Not only can this prepare you with the necessary skills, but it can also prepare you mentally.

The Importance of Autism Therapy

Autism therapy exists to try and minimize the symptoms and effects of autism and related disorders, in an attempt to improve the day-to-day life of autism sufferers.

Most children show signs of autism in early infancy. The severity of symptoms varies greatly, but all people with autism have some core symptoms in the areas of: Social Skills, Language, and Behavior.

Social interaction symptoms include: poor eye contact, resist cuddling and holding, and seems to play alone (in their own world). Language symptoms include: speech delays, repetitive use of language (echolalia), and doesn't understand one-step directions. Behavior symptoms include: repetitive movements, moves constantly, and has specific rituals to follow. That is why autism therapy is so important in early infancy.

There are two types of autism therapy, that which is educational and that which is medical, along with support. They both work great when you start early in the child's life.

While psychological treatments may not cure the disorder outright, most experts believe that the overall effect is positive. Concentrated programs that are introduced to autism patients at a young age often help them integrate into society better, maintain social relationships, acquire jobs and in general, function better. Some of the techniques used in psychological treatments include speech and language therapy, social skill development, applied behavior analysis (ABA) and occupational therapy.

Perhaps most effective is the applied behavior analysis (ABA). Linked to the work of Dr. Ivar Lovaas, ABA has had success helping teach autistic children social and behavioral skills, to the extent that some patients have even been given a non-autistic diagnosis after treatment. Of all the approaches out there, ABA has been under more scrutiny than any other, and is the most recognized form of autism therapy. ABA mainly consists of three parts:

· There is the applied approach, which involves ideas to improve and support behavior that is socially significant

· There's the behavioral component, which is based on straightforward scientific behavioral understanding models

· Finally, the analysis component, which involves tracking progress and making modifications using rewards and consequences.

For a very significant portion of autistic children, ABA can dramatically improve their quality of life. It can help with larger problem areas such as self-injurious behavior, but also seemingly less significant issues like eye contact (which actually affects a child's social interactions greatly). ABA works best on children that demonstrate significant symptoms, but there is usually an appreciable improvement in many cases.

Saint Joseph Of Nazareth

To be a good parent is a great duty for all of mankind. It must be like a tree steadfastly planted by God to bear good fruits or holy workers. The children succeed their parents, in every generation in all nations of the earth, fit to be worthy and molded for God's ways and truth. Nothing is lost in life, if parents always tried hard to raise, support, and love their children in honest obedience to God's commandments.

Saint Joseph of Nazareth is the foster father of Jesus. He is the husband of Mary. We call Jesus, Joseph, and Mary, the Holy Family. Saint Joseph is a carpenter, never quoted in the Bible, but divinely chosen to take care of the Virgin Mary. He is also the patron of the universal church, carpenters, fathers and social justice.

Saint Joseph's humble, but decent work sustained God's Son, Jesus; and finally brought Jesus in obedience to God's will, take life's cross, and saving in one love, all God's children.

Saint Joseph is my hero. Back then, I always prayed for his intercession and for my parents, too, and how they would work and provide for the family. I asked, like any child would ask a father, especially which concerned work. And he provided for us - for my Dad's work.

I pray that in this year, we would be better parents to any one who needed prayer and some good education, like our own children, their children, their children's children, our students and anyone, especially those who are out of school, young or old, in any way God would lead.

Here is a prayer.

Dear God, help us to become good parents. Like Saint Joseph, let us prompt our children, young or old, and those who are needy, to their dreams. Help us become good examples of work, duty, and delight in every day that God gives to us. Let us be asking, but calm. Let us be thankful, but zealous, until our dream and hopes become real.

Saint Joseph, in each passing day, be a father to us, as you were with Jesus when he was young. Teach us how to work with loyalty to the vocation God called us for, in work. Help us to be silent in duty and never complaining, yet forceful in the ways of God's truth. This we pray in Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Saint Joseph of Nazareth, pray for us.

Buying Nursery Gliders

Nursery gliders are probably the most comfortable seating for pregnant moms or those with newly born babies. The smooth gliding motion of the chair is very comforting; especially in the first few months when the baby is mostly sleeping and feeding. Snuggle in with your baby as you feed him or he sleeps soundly.

Previously rocking chairs were used by new moms. Nursery gliders are different from rocking chairs as the just glide forward and backward.

Before buying

Now buying a glider is almost like buying any other piece of furniture. You want it to be comfy and look good. While buying Gliders, keep in mind that they are used only for a short time, usually from the last trimester to the first 6-8 months of the baby. If you are pregnant than make sure that you buy it early enough and make the most out of it when you need it.

Selecting a design

They come in a variety of designs with some having footstools, reclining back or ottomans. Some of the common styles are Wicker, wooden or upholstered. Wooden or Wicker styles may need cushions to make them usable.

Since the Nursery gliders are mostly kept in nurseries, make sure that you coordinate the colors with that of nursery's décor. Moreover also see that after you have fulfilled the use of the glider and it's no longer required, where are you going to keep it? Most people pass it on to their friends or family who are expecting.

Some of the important components of Nursery Gliders are

1) Back rests: There should be ample backrest that supports you spine while you gently rock the baby.

2) Arms: Some gliders don't have arms; I wouldn't say it is a good idea to buy them. You would want some place to keep your arms while holding the baby. Moreover they should be at a comfortable height.

Check for quality

The fabric for the glider should be sturdy and easily cleanable as you or the baby may spill on it. Moreover it should not be slippery. One preferable type of fabric is the Microfiber since it cleans up easily. Leather provides a great amount of comfort too but it can be expensive.

Check it's Functioning

The mechanism of the glider is extremely important. Test it before you buy it. The easiest way is to sit in the glider and see how well suitable is its motion for you. Check for the quality of its padding in the back, seat and arms. Make sure there us good lumbar support.

The glider should be wide enough for the mother to easily get in and out of. All the time that you are sitting it, see that you feel supported. If the glider is too narrow then you won't be able to hold the baby comfortably.

Helping Kids Believe in Themselves - Inspiring Confidence in Your Kids

Many people are groomed these days to base their worth off of feed-back from others. If a person gets in the habit of that they will always end up needing low self-confidence help. An important skill to know is how to improve self-confidence.

Ways To Build Self-Confidence

If social grooming or their social life distracts too much from your child's understanding their worth, then you might want to adjust the child's social life. Homeschooling or decreasing time with friends is always an option for families who want a safer social education for their children. The largest amount of social training should come from the family relationships at home.

Discussing the topic of confidence and self-esteem with your child in a deliberate way, using examples from other lives (even your life's stories) may also help a child gain a better perspective about themselves. These stories can inspire conversations which will lead to greater self-awareness and confidence (more about deliberate discussions later).

How to Handle Attention-Seeking Behaviors Caused by Low Self-Confidence

If self-confidence issues are appearing by a child being negative about their appearance, the child may be attention seeking (in a very normal way). What can a parent do?

• Put yourself in your child's shoes and understood that they were questioning their worth because of the perceived worth of their friends. It's important for children to know that these feelings are only perceptions and not truths.


• Validate your child when they ask for it. If a child asks you if you think they are pretty, then validate them. Tell them you do. One calm answer to this kind of question can be all they need at first to know they are perceiving things incorrectly.


• If a child repeatedly seeks attention in a negative way, analyze the situation together and deliberately discussion about what you see happening.

Have a Deliberate Discussion

A deliberate discussion may sound something like,

"Emma, the other day you said you thought you looked ugly. When people talk like this it means one of two things. Either the person has some sadness on the inside because they chose to feel bad about how someone treated them, or they are hoping to find out if they are pretty by pretending to be worried about it.
Either way, the people around you will not feel happy when they are with you. It makes people worry about your happiness and think that something could be wrong. Then the people treat you differently and your relationships feel funny. Your friends could even start thinking you aren't fun to be around if you talked that way with them.

Some people call this manipulating other people's feelings. You want to be careful not to do this if you are going to keep good friends. If you ever wonder if you look nice or are beautiful, you just come say, "Mom, do you think I look nice today?" I will never lie to you. But, you shouldn't have to be sad to get me to make you happy. I want to make you happy even when you are already happy. You are one of my best friends in the world and I am here to help you be happy in life... "

This kind of conversation is good to have with children who seems to continue having an attention-seeking problem or low self-confidence with friends. In fact, the more direct we are as parents, the less trouble our children have in life. Especially in social situations.

Teach Proper Socialization

Proper socialization is taught. It is not something people just pick up along the way. In old times much of the educational experience was centered around etiquette and chivalry; social graces and relationship building. After all, you could tell a person's status by how they behaved socially.

Today we can still tell most people's social status by how they behave. The only difference today is that most families don't actively teach socialization. They hope children will hit a phase where they are properly socialized, mature, and confident. That's just not how it works. For happy children and successful futures teach proper social skills at home. Don't rely on schools, or churches to teach your children how to behave or to build their self-confidence and esteem. These skills come from family teaching and relationships.