It's now called the pre-teens. The age from 10 to 12, just before children enter the teens is equally important. As a parent there is enough of tension and worry all of us go through when a child is entering the teenage years. But now a days the stress starts from when they are 10 years old; More so over when it's your daughter. She suddenly seems grown up not only physically, but also emotionally and socially. She becomes moody, likes to keep to herself, and moves on from being a papa's girl to a young lady who likes to do stuff by herself. She spends hours in front of the mirror even if she is not planning to go out. And if she's going out then God help the others and the mirror. She demands for more privacy and does not want to be forced (too harsh a word), even suggested about what she should wear, what she should eat, how she should carry herself.
Her shopping list every month is like an endless pit or a limitless sky. Her wardrobe is stuffed, yet she has no clothes to wear. She can probably open her own store full of accessories, shoes, stationery, cosmetics, etc. Yet when she is getting ready to go out, she has nothing to match her outfit. No matter for who you plan to shop, if your pre-teenage daughter is out with you for shopping, you would come back home and empty the bags just to find out that you have not shopped for anyone else except her.
She has become moody and fussy about food too. Papa's princess who would snuggle into his arms and loved to be carried around, is now a different person altogether. She does not want to share all her experiences with him, just greets him in the morning and night, does not call him that frequently, does not demand much of his time, and hates to be kissed or cuddled by the dad. Oh! Poor he (the father), never understands what's happened or what went wrong.
Family functions or gatherings are boring to her now. She hates to join you for lunch or dinner to your friend's house. She rather remain home alone than accompany you to these places. She gets very selective about the people she mingles with, even childhood friends have to take a backseat sometimes. And don't even mention movie outings, she would laugh at the idea and it'll make you feel miserable.
Anger seems to be her best friend. Even the smallest of misunderstanding or difference of opinion or a word can get her into the sulking mode for days. And sometimes as parents you would never know what went wrong or what the root cause for such behavior was. Calling her pals home is her right and she feels hurt when you deny her that. And if you agree to have them home, you better be invisible as she does not want any family members to take a minute away from them, she wants all the attention from her friends.
Oh Yes! You got it right, your little angel, dainty darling and princess is growing up. Welcome to the next level of parenting, the next milestone or developmental stage in your life. Now you'll have to learn a lot more, understand a lot more and behave appropriately. Because you already know that, "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction".
It's not scary or that's not the intention of this article, it's just that there's too much to handle. Just a few alterations in the thoughts, words and actions of parents would work wonders. As a parent one has to know that this stage is inevitable and sooner or later this stage enters into all lives. As a parent one should allocate sometime in talking to their teenage daughter. Be careful that it's not a question and answer session or an interview or an interrogation about a certain event. Just a casual talk about how her school is? How are her friends? What's the latest event in school? Who won in the matches at school? And please DON'T TALK, just listen. Yes you have to learn to listen when she talks because only then she will be able to open out her heart to you. She will love it when you give her all your attention and let her speak her mind. She will love it even more when you are not interrogating or giving your opinion or judgment about the topic or situation.
As a parent if you listen carefully, you will be able to understand her likings, ideas, perceptions, feelings, and dislikes better. And with a few talks every week there would be a strong bond; a connect between her and you. She would feel very comfortable to talk to you on all topics. It is the trust factor that she has in you, and for no reason ever discuss anything of what she's told you to anybody else. Let it be between the parents and the daughter.
Now that you share a good bond with her, trust her and tell her that you trust her and will stand by her come what may. Tell her never to hide anything from you, even if she was wrong or has made a mistake. Tell her that you would believe and trust in her and only her when there is a problem situation and would never get carried away or trust anyone else's words. By this she will know for sure that you are there and will be there with her through thick and thin. Please STICK BY WHAT YOU HAVE SAID. If any such situation arises, and even if she is wrong stand by her and help her realize the mistake slowly. This does not mean that as a parent you would be siding her and letting her make mistakes, instead you would be there next to her supporting and guiding her after she has done something wrong, helping her come out of the guilt and learning the lesson of never making the mistake again.
Let her make her own decisions, whether it's the food she wants or the dress she wants to wear. From what course she would like to select after a few years to her friends. But always tell her one thing, with the power to make decisions comes the responsibilities of her actions. Always tell her to stand by what she has done, to take up the responsibility for her actions. This would make her a strong, independent and responsible individual. This would help her to face criticism boldly and even understand her own mistakes if any.
If these big issues are handled well, the smaller ones like taking hours to get ready, being moody, selective, shopping etc, can be handled by the parents very well. And as parent do realize that's it's not your daughter who is changing, it's the Hormones to be blamed. And that you are smart enough and know that they can be tamed!
Happy Parenting! Seeing your little angel grow up to be a fairy with wings wide open is a lovely experience, hope all of you enjoy your journey!
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