Single Parenting: The Father's Turn

People assume the worst about single fathers. Granted, I do know a few single fathers who are dead beats, and who do not contribute to the raising of their child. That being said, I have also met some mothers who are just as bad. My Mother, for instance, was in and out of my childhood life, and only chose to try and be a mother when all of the hard work was done. This story is familiar among single mothers who raised their kid(s) alone, but not so much with single fathers. I would like to take the time to recognize one of those single fathers who did stick around.

My Father was a "do it all" Dad for a long time. Alone, and left to take care of his children without the help of a significant other, I know my father did his best. My Mother left us when I was very young. My brother and I stayed with my Dad. I do not know all of the reasons why my mother left, as I was a baby when this happened. I do know that as I got older, my mother never stayed in one place for very long. Always moving from town to town, and guy to guy. I imagine this played a big role in her choice to leave us, but I never could understand how somebody could just leave their kids. My father made a point to not let this affect his kids happiness though.

I remember being so proud to have my Dad around when I was a child. I'm a grown man now, and my Father is still my hero. I cannot remember a time when I was playing a sport, and my Dad was not there to either coach me, or cheer me on. Through my whole life, he always made sure he was there for me. My father was not, and still is not good at expressing emotions. His way of showing love was to be involved in his children's life in any way he could.

My father did not have an easy life, and my brother and I did not take time out of our childhood to ensure that he would get any sort of relief from the struggles of single parenting. My father never complained though. He is the sort of man that handles his problems without emotion. He's a rock that cannot be broken. Even though he doesn't enjoy sharing his own feelings, he was, and still is always there to listen. In times of doubt, despair, sadness, or joy, I can always count on my father to lend me his ear.

I have a tremendous amount of respect for this man. Not only because he stood up and chose to be a father to his children, but because he did such a great job, and he always did his best. I know my father struggled to make ends meet, but he always succeeded in making sure we had food on the table, and a place to call home. My brother and I always knew that our father would be there when we got home. We never had any suspicion that our father would not be able pick us up from day care, or that we would not have the latest toys for Christmas. He always made sure that we were taken care of, and that we knew he loved us. He has taught me so many great lessons in life. I too, am single father, and because of the role model I've had in my life, I have been able to be a great single father to my child.

Far From Second-Fiddle: Distinguished Dads and Glorious Grandparents

In the extended cast of characters surrounding a preschooler each person fills a particular role that is helpful to the development of the child. Fathers have their thing: a seemingly endless source of entertainment contrasted by a commanding voice and authority presence. Grandparents manage to somehow amaze a child whilst being amazed by him/her. The relationship of grandparent to grandchild underscores the intriguing juxtaposition of life at the beginning, against life at the end of the journey. In either case, fathers and grandmothers and grandfathers have a lot to offer the preschool-aged child.

Daddies are the ultimate playthings. At my own house, whenever mommy is tired and worn from a day's work, I step in with my own second-wind burst of energy. My son and I play until exhausted, winding him down for the day and bonding along the way. This is the one role that mom seldom has the energy for. This allows me to foster a relationship that in no way negates that of mother and son, but rather distinguishes itself from it. In this way, being a father means being a unique part of the child's life. Also, the average adult male has the advantage of physical strength and a commanding voice, which can be used effectively to anchor a positive sense of authority that stands in unison with the authority of mommy. No doubt, ever y child knows that mother means business and that when daddy gets serious it must be a really big deal.

Likewise, children find a special bond with their grandmothers and grandfathers. In the case of my son, his granddaddy (as he calls my father-in-law) is another source of fun. This one is older, and kindly, and has a big fishing boat. Not unlike the role of daddy, granddaddy gets to be maximal fun most of the time. On occasion, his seniority, his gray features, and consummate authority get to show their value.

Grandma, on the other hand, is another distinct, unique role in the life of the child. In the case of my own mother and son, she is a never ending source of wholesome meals, new toys, and unending patience. It is as though a woman of her vantage point in life has all the time in the world for a young child. Even his most obnoxious, even insolent, conduct seems to never faze her even slightly. Grandmothers are the sources of sweet things and sweetness, and perhaps the most time-tested and patient relation of all.

Mommy may be the light of every child's eyes, but dads and grandparents have their own respective niches. Fathers are far more than just play things; they are continual companions and strong figures of authority.

Grandparents are the kind, and sweet, way in which humanity views its beginning from the perspective of its end, with amazement. All of these assorted roles are beneficial to your child, and are far from "second fiddle," because a child who has a close father and close grandparents is a happy child.

Should We Spy on Our Kids' Use of Cell Phones and Facebook?

I believe that our children and teens are influenced greatly by two things; media entertainment and their peers. They are exposed to information and viewpoints they see on the television and movie screen, and that which they hear from adults and friends in their circle. It is also my opinion that we must preserve our children's innocence to allow them to focus only on developmentally appropriate information and just plain being kids. When they are exposed to subject matter that is inappropriate for their level of understanding, it contaminates the natural development of their self-concept and their perception of the world in which they live. Because of this fact alone, parents and other primary caregivers must be the gatekeepers of what their children are exposed to.

When we parents and grandparents were kids, the decency levels in television programming was much higher, but TV show producers and writers continuously tried to "push the envelope" with sexuality (as it's done today) to engage their adult viewers. Back then, it was less likely for children to even see those risks because parents' autocratic rule controlled children's access to the television, if the family even had one. Broadcasting also ended late at night with stations playing the national anthem and then nothing but white noise until morning programming began.

The influence from peers has always been a factor as well, but back then, it was less of a concern for parents than it is today because of what I mentioned in the paragraph above; anything kids were exposed to was less harmful than what they are exposed to today. If children were exposed to less harmful and inappropriate material, then the influence from peers was also less of a concern.

Now fast forward to what our children have access to today. They have handheld devices with instant access to the Internet, cheaper portable computing devices, television and radio channels galore, video games that leave nothing to the imagination, and an entertainment industry that has made it clear it is not concerned about the innocence of our children. That means the responsibility of protecting children lies solely on the parent and few have accepted that fact. Some adults believe that we should allow our children access to this incredible technology while others want to ban them from it completely.

Parents are responsible for the safety of their children and when I say PARENTS, I'm referring to anyone who cares for children; foster parents, adoptive parents, grandparents, step parents, etc. That being said, I believe there are two types of parents who pose the greatest danger to their children. The first type has little knowledge of technology and the Internet and yet, allows the children to have unsupervised handheld devices and devices in the bedroom with television, social media apps like Facebook, and Internet access. The second type does have an adequate level of knowledge and starts out with good intentions of monitoring devices, sharing passwords, and allowing activities similar to what the first parent type allows. The problem with this second type is that he or she initially sees the child using it all responsibly and then becomes fooled into believing that monitoring isn't really necessary. Either that or the monitoring just becomes tiresome and it tapers off. Then the child matures, her growing curiosity and friends entice her to explore more. The greatest danger imposed by both of these types of parents is that their children expose yours and mine to inappropriate subject matter through their influence (assuming you and I have limits for our children and are constantly monitoring their cell phone and Internet activities.)

Let me just state up front that I don't think children under the age of 13 should have cell phones and no one under the age of 16 should have a Facebook, regardless of what age Mark Zuckerberg thinks. Sure, I've known 11 and 12 year olds were ready to handle a cell phone responsibly, and 14 and 15 year olds who might very well handle a Facebook page appropriately, but it's not just about the child being ready. The bigger issue is that once children or teens are given more avenues to communicate or be influenced by their peers, it becomes addictive. They then spend less time concentrating on themselves, their talents, their dreams, and spend less time alone to become a more peaceful and centered person.

We shouldn't spy on our children and teens, we should monitor them with full disclosure. In all fairness to them, our children and teens should know we are listening and reading because it's our job to keep them safe. That means when you're ready to allow your child to have a cell phone, you control who he can call and who can call him, and that the phone should come with limitations; where it can be used and for how long, what time it should go off, and monitoring software that will allow you to read his texts (with his knowledge). When you're ready to give your teenager a Facebook page, you establish rules and boundaries around its use, including when and for how long, no computers in bedrooms, and that you will share access to their page. Sure, this is all additional work we modern parents never anticipated having to do, but so what. Our kids are worth it so we best begin making time for this new responsibility.

And what about privacy for teenagers? They scream that they deserve to have privacy from parents and I agree to an extent. But until the child reaches the age of 18, the parent is responsible for the child's well being. Therefore safety trumps privacy. Parents can monitor less and less during the final two years of high school but they should be able to "check-in" occasionally to stay informed. A teen who knows that her parent might be reading, is less likely to do or say things she shouldn't.

Giving Thanks at Dinner

Some people say "Grace" at dinner and others don't. In our house, we try to have the kids review their day and give thanks for one thing. That may sound sweet or adorable, but rarely is it peaceful or angelic. Most times, it's just frustrating.

The first fight is about who gets to go last. Grace (4) inevitably wants to be last so that she isn't cut off by a sibling's turn and can just keep right on talking. My hsuband James always says, "I'm grateful for all of you," with little variation, which gets a resounding "BORING". Now it's a contest to see who is going to say that first because the latest "rule" in the giving thanks exercise is that you can't say what someone else has already said. Oh, yes, it gets better and better.

The next delightful thing that happens is an argument among the three boys to see which of them can outshine the other. Ian (17) is that much older and, frankly, quite the brownnoser. He's perfected the art of syrupy sweetness toward his mother, whereas the other two are just little boys. Because of this, we've implemented another rule: We can't just say what we are grateful for, but now have to say why, and they are starting to keep score.

Elena (3) always says the same thing: "I'm grateful that I cried in the China"(long story), unless it's her turn to be last and then she says "I'm grateful that I'm last". Regardless of which answer she gives, there is always the chorus of "Aaahh, come on Mummy, that doesn't count. She always says the same thing," which begins a discussion about what is age appropriate.

Grace has to be philosophical about each grateful thought expressed and then has to explain it to us all as it relates to her life.

Most days there is at least one argument, or more common, a fart joke thrown in to ensure any reverence I might have hoped for was thrown right out the window. Kids end up rolling on the ground, laughing in hysterics (causing more flatulence and then more jokes). I can't keep a straight face and so it spirals downwards and the whole point is moot.

So why do I persist? Truth to tell, I'm not sure.

There is the odd time that something resembling a thoughtful discussion is had and I see a light bulb starting to glow. Other days I am just so grateful that they are laughing and loving each other that it doesn't matter.

It's hard with such diverse ages, but what I have noticed is that they are learning to respect each other's ideas, especially when those ideas are less sophisticated than their own. Eric (9) is very good at expressing himself and it takes Patrick (7) longer to formulate his thoughts. Grace always wants to talk and Elena tries to keep up. But they are learning to stop talking (even Grace) and let someone else have the floor-not easy for small children, or some adults for that matter.

There are many challenges that come with a large family. Each child gets less one on one time, the money must be spread more thinly, the demand on time in general is unbelievably difficult, and they need to help each other because we can't be in all places at all times.

Ian leads by example and is teaching all the kids that family comes first, how to be a good person and a good son. Eric helps Patrick with his French if I'm not home, Patrick reads to Grace and Elena and Grace teaches Elena how to colour, write and talk-endlessly. They understand intuitively that they can trust in the support of their siblings and they are learning to listen to each other's needs.

I am so grateful for who they are all becoming, even if the lessons I want them to learn through our "being grateful" exercise are different than what one would expect.

If I could leave them with just one lesson in life, it would be that when tragedy strikes, as it has in our home when our fourteen year old daughter was murdered and we have no strength to stand on our own, it will be through the love of family and friends that joy will have a path to return to our hearts. This makes these life lessons worth every exasperating and frustrating moment.

Guess I just answered my own question about why I persist.

Men, Created to Lead

When it comes to men and families, we as men should be the leaders of our families. I believe God has given inside the heart of every man, the seed of leadership. If the seed of leadership is in the heart of every man, I think that perhaps we as men need to water and nourish this seed of leadership and it to make it grow.

Men should be leaders in our families. We are to lead our families into the destiny God has for them. I believe that this leadership is secured and anchored in love. What is love? God is love. And if we as men are missing God, (the Lord Jesus Christ), I believe in the big picture, we will fail in the leadership of our families, homes, and communities. I believe that if we are leaders both spiritually and in love, we will pave the way for a lot of things, good things to fall in place.

Being the leader of a family means taking responsibility for their well-being. This can be quite a daunting task, which is probably why so many men have bailed out on this responsibility. The amazing thing is that God has already given us the seed for being great leaders in our families. In the face of such a task, we need not bail out on our responsibility, we need only nourish this seed that God has given us and make it grow. We don't want to be like the men that Paul spoke of in 1 Timothy 5:8 when he said "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." God has given us the ability to live up to our full potential.

When I say leaders, a lot of us may automatically think of solely being providers, and bringing home the bacon. Yes, I do believe this is part of it, but there is so much more. We are to lead both spiritually and in love. In Deuteronomy 6:5-7 the Lord states, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." We should be leading our households spiritually. It's our responsibility to teach our children about morality and about God, not just our wives, and not a preacher or a Sunday school teacher. We should be having studies in our own homes. We should be discussing the goodness of God with our children and our wives. Our wives should not have beg us or trick us into going to church, or into praying, or studying, we should be taking the reins. And if we do not know about such things, we need to, be a man about it, and find out how.

Also, our wives should not have to watch some chick flick, or read some love novel in the hopes of bringing some romance into the home. We as men should be leading in romance. Not lifetime, or some romance novel. We as husbands should be leading our wives in true romance.

I was thinking the other day, about how I act when I'm watching a sporting event and I know for a fact that I'm not the only one who does this. Take a group of guys watching either football or basketball, and before the game even starts, 90% of the men in the room will somehow turn into coaches. And once the game starts, everybody is coaching their team. He shouldn't have passed the ball, he should have taken the shot, they should go for the field goal, I wouldn't have traded him etc. We all act like this way when watching sports. I say this to make a point. The point is we already have leadership in us. It's there, waiting to be used for stuff that really matters. Waiting to be used to help make our families thrive. Men, the greatest team we could ever coach and lead is our family. God has given us the tools to win the title, let us trust him and his leadership for our victory.

Three Tips To Become A Better Stepparent

In 2010, the number of blended families exceeded the number of nuclear (traditional) families in the United States. Blended families are now commonplace in our society. One in three Americans is now a stepparent, a stepchild, a stepsibling or some other member of a blended family. More than half of Americans today have been, are now, or will eventually be, in one or more step situations during their lives. Despite the increasing number of blended families, the divorce rate for blended families is well over 60%. Becoming a stepparent is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. With that said, here are three tips to becoming a better stepparent.

Be Involved. The level of parental involvement is the strongest and most consistent predictor of your stepchild's mental health, adjustment, happiness, and overall well-being. Children with involved parents do better in school, have better self esteem, are less likely to develop emotional problems, and are less likely to take risks or get into trouble. To maintain a high level of involvement in your stepchild's life will probably require you to relook at your priorities. You will need to find a balance between your needs and that of your children. Stepchildren need your involvement both inside and outside the home. Suggestions:

• School

o Helping with their homework.

o Reading to your child.

o Volunteering at their school.

• Attending their sporting events, musicals, and school plays.

• Take them to see a movie they've wanted to see, their favorite sporting team or a trip to the mall; just make sure it's something they want to do.

• Involvement with outside activities they participate in, like scouting.

• Talking and listening to your child.

Best Selves. When it comes to your stepchildren you may feel like you're invisible, but you can be assured your stepchildren are watching you, what you say and what you do. The most important example you will set is how you treat your spouse (their biological parent). Your marriage must come first. Remember: your blended family is borne out of loss for your stepchildren by either divorce or through the death of the other biological parent. By being a good husband or wife, you are setting an example for your stepchildren in how they will eventually treat their own spouses. Suggestions:

• Be a person of honesty and integrity.

• Allow your stepchildren to be themselves even you don't agree with some of their actions.

• Get help for addictions like drugs, sex or alcohol; take care of yourself.

• Do not speak unfavorably about the absent parent.

• Do not insist your stepchildren call you 'mom' or 'dad.'

• Treat your children and stepchildren equally; no favoritism.

• Accept your stepchild's loyalty to their absent parent.

• Allow your child to speak about their absent parent.

• Do the right thing - even if it hurts.

• Have humility; acknowledge your mistakes and make amends when possible.

United Front. You need to have the support of your spouse. If you don't, all of your efforts as a stepparent will be undermined. With your spouse, develop a joint vision for your child. Picture your children when they are ready to leave home; what kind of person do you want them to be? Remember that their values, character, etc. all stem from your influences as a parent. Identify your parenting style (authoritarian, authoritative or permissive) and discuss how you will complement your styles to effectively parent your children. Disagree with your spouse in private, not in front of your children. Resolve conflicts by focusing on what is best for the child, not which parent has the most power.

As a stepparent, you are commended because you didn't have to become one. Being a successful stepparent is challenging; the role is not clearly defined and will vary from family to family. Father's and Mother's Day may come and go, and you may never be acknowledged for your role. By implementing these three tips, you can be your own cheerleader and recognize the positive difference you're making in the lives of your stepchildren.

When Your Daughter Enters the Pre-Teens!

It's now called the pre-teens. The age from 10 to 12, just before children enter the teens is equally important. As a parent there is enough of tension and worry all of us go through when a child is entering the teenage years. But now a days the stress starts from when they are 10 years old; More so over when it's your daughter. She suddenly seems grown up not only physically, but also emotionally and socially. She becomes moody, likes to keep to herself, and moves on from being a papa's girl to a young lady who likes to do stuff by herself. She spends hours in front of the mirror even if she is not planning to go out. And if she's going out then God help the others and the mirror. She demands for more privacy and does not want to be forced (too harsh a word), even suggested about what she should wear, what she should eat, how she should carry herself.

Her shopping list every month is like an endless pit or a limitless sky. Her wardrobe is stuffed, yet she has no clothes to wear. She can probably open her own store full of accessories, shoes, stationery, cosmetics, etc. Yet when she is getting ready to go out, she has nothing to match her outfit. No matter for who you plan to shop, if your pre-teenage daughter is out with you for shopping, you would come back home and empty the bags just to find out that you have not shopped for anyone else except her.

She has become moody and fussy about food too. Papa's princess who would snuggle into his arms and loved to be carried around, is now a different person altogether. She does not want to share all her experiences with him, just greets him in the morning and night, does not call him that frequently, does not demand much of his time, and hates to be kissed or cuddled by the dad. Oh! Poor he (the father), never understands what's happened or what went wrong.

Family functions or gatherings are boring to her now. She hates to join you for lunch or dinner to your friend's house. She rather remain home alone than accompany you to these places. She gets very selective about the people she mingles with, even childhood friends have to take a backseat sometimes. And don't even mention movie outings, she would laugh at the idea and it'll make you feel miserable.

Anger seems to be her best friend. Even the smallest of misunderstanding or difference of opinion or a word can get her into the sulking mode for days. And sometimes as parents you would never know what went wrong or what the root cause for such behavior was. Calling her pals home is her right and she feels hurt when you deny her that. And if you agree to have them home, you better be invisible as she does not want any family members to take a minute away from them, she wants all the attention from her friends.

Oh Yes! You got it right, your little angel, dainty darling and princess is growing up. Welcome to the next level of parenting, the next milestone or developmental stage in your life. Now you'll have to learn a lot more, understand a lot more and behave appropriately. Because you already know that, "Every action has an equal and opposite reaction".

It's not scary or that's not the intention of this article, it's just that there's too much to handle. Just a few alterations in the thoughts, words and actions of parents would work wonders. As a parent one has to know that this stage is inevitable and sooner or later this stage enters into all lives. As a parent one should allocate sometime in talking to their teenage daughter. Be careful that it's not a question and answer session or an interview or an interrogation about a certain event. Just a casual talk about how her school is? How are her friends? What's the latest event in school? Who won in the matches at school? And please DON'T TALK, just listen. Yes you have to learn to listen when she talks because only then she will be able to open out her heart to you. She will love it when you give her all your attention and let her speak her mind. She will love it even more when you are not interrogating or giving your opinion or judgment about the topic or situation.

As a parent if you listen carefully, you will be able to understand her likings, ideas, perceptions, feelings, and dislikes better. And with a few talks every week there would be a strong bond; a connect between her and you. She would feel very comfortable to talk to you on all topics. It is the trust factor that she has in you, and for no reason ever discuss anything of what she's told you to anybody else. Let it be between the parents and the daughter.

Now that you share a good bond with her, trust her and tell her that you trust her and will stand by her come what may. Tell her never to hide anything from you, even if she was wrong or has made a mistake. Tell her that you would believe and trust in her and only her when there is a problem situation and would never get carried away or trust anyone else's words. By this she will know for sure that you are there and will be there with her through thick and thin. Please STICK BY WHAT YOU HAVE SAID. If any such situation arises, and even if she is wrong stand by her and help her realize the mistake slowly. This does not mean that as a parent you would be siding her and letting her make mistakes, instead you would be there next to her supporting and guiding her after she has done something wrong, helping her come out of the guilt and learning the lesson of never making the mistake again.

Let her make her own decisions, whether it's the food she wants or the dress she wants to wear. From what course she would like to select after a few years to her friends. But always tell her one thing, with the power to make decisions comes the responsibilities of her actions. Always tell her to stand by what she has done, to take up the responsibility for her actions. This would make her a strong, independent and responsible individual. This would help her to face criticism boldly and even understand her own mistakes if any.

If these big issues are handled well, the smaller ones like taking hours to get ready, being moody, selective, shopping etc, can be handled by the parents very well. And as parent do realize that's it's not your daughter who is changing, it's the Hormones to be blamed. And that you are smart enough and know that they can be tamed!

Happy Parenting! Seeing your little angel grow up to be a fairy with wings wide open is a lovely experience, hope all of you enjoy your journey!

New Year Party Games to Keep the Little Ones Engaged and Entertained

Make your New Year eve party an interesting affair for the kids by organizing some fun New Year party games. Let the kids make some noise and play till they get exhausted. If you don't keep them busy they are more likely to do mischief and spoil the fun for the adults. Keep them occupied till midnight so that everyone at your New Year eve party can have a gala time. Here are some suggestions for keeping your little guests happy.

Party hat decoration contest

As soon as your guests arrive, give them some plain party hats, glitters, ribbons, stickers, faux jewels, etc. to decorate their own party hat. Set up a craft area for them and let them use their skills to design a creative and festive New Year party hat. This activity will keep them busy for quite some time so that the adults can do some chit chat session.

Balloon pop game

Apart from using these inexpensive party supplies for decoration, use them to play the balloon pop game. Arrange some prizes for the kids and write the name of each prize on a small sheet of paper. Roll these papers to make tubes and insert them into deflated balloons. Blow them up along with many other balloons and let them float on the floor. This will be a great New Year party decoration. Later, as the midnight approaches, ask the kids to blow-up the balloons by sitting on them. Ask them to collect the prize sheets and once this New Year party game is over, you can give away the prizes.

2012 review games

To play this game, make a list of some trivia questions and their answers in advance. The questions can be anything that happened in 2012 including a kids' movie release to a major development that happened in the world. Either divide the kids into teams or let them play individually. Appoint one volunteer to ask trivia questions and award the team or individual who gives maximum answers. This educational New Year party game is sure to keep the kids busy for a long time.

Apart from these structured games, create a play area for the kids so that they can have fun in their own way. Have a lot of toys, fun games, mind games, etc. and let them play independently. You can have this activity after they are done with their party hat decoration. Once they get bored playing these games, move on to the above mentioned structured New Year party games.

Extreme Feminism: Destroying Society, One Family at a Time

There is no greater calling for a woman than that of motherhood. The work is hard, the hours are long, but the rewards are unparalleled. Being a good mother requires a strength of character and will that not all possess. I doubt that there is a single language in the world where a form of swearing that involves insulting one's mother does not exist. Which shows how much value we put on our mothers.

At this sociopolitical point in our society, it is almost impossible to discuss the issue of motherhood in depth without also bringing up the issues of gender roles, and the traditional role of women as housewives, homemakers. Rearing children and building a home are legitimately hard professions. Any woman who is able to fulfill these responsibilities is definitely worthy of respect. Yet in recent decades, the role of a homemaker has come under fire.

"[The] housewife is a nobody, and [housework] is a dead-end job. It may actually have a deteriorating effect on her mind... rendering her incapable of prolonged concentration on any single task. [She] comes to seem dumb as well as dull. [B]eing a housewife makes women sick."

"[Housewives] are dependent creatures who are still children... parasites."

"[As long as the woman] is the primary caretaker of childhood, she is prevented from being a free human being."

What kind of sexist, misogynist pig would call women who belong to the most honorable profession in history? Why, feminists, of course. The three quotes above are from feminists Jessie Bernard, Gloria Steinem, and Kate Millett, respectively. As a man, I see my being a father as the single most all-encompassing aspect of my gender identity. Which is why I find it so very ironic that motherhood, the crowning jewel of womanhood, receives such disrespect from those who are supposedly advocates for women.

Feminists will argue that feminism is not anti-housewife, that women are free to choose whatever they want. However, anyone who has studied the movement from its roots will know that many of the most influential women involved in the movement have been anti-homemaker. This view of the housewife as a woman "reduced to servitude" was repeated over and over again in the arguments of many of the feminists who are now worshiped as patron saints of the feminist movement, like the three I mentioned above.

Other feminists will argue that feminism is not anti-motherhood, simply against being a housewife. But you cannot attack the role of homemaker without attacking motherhood. A homemaker is basically a woman who has decided to channel most, or all, of her time and effort into the task of raising children, and creating an environment suitable for that task. An affront to the homemaker is an affront to mothers. Many feminist models include a perspective of the homemaker role as an institution designed to keep women down, to keep them away from supposedly "higher" pursuits.

Such a horribly warped view. How ignorant of any woman to look down on another woman this way. How can you tell a woman, whose role as a mother and homemaker has brought so much joy into her life, that you are sorry that she is trapped in a prison? To all "successful" women who look down on housewives, shame on you! They do not need your pity either.

In my experience, the women who earn my respect are not necessarily the women who "can do a man's job," but rather the women who are can do a woman's job. In other words, women who are good at being women. I have seen so many women try so hard to keep up with men at things men do, yet at the same time neglect and fail miserably at their primary responsibilities to their children. If a woman neglects her children, she fails as a woman. A man who fails as a man fails as a person. A woman who fails as a woman also fails as a person.

My wife is a woman of many talents, and there are many fields where she could excel, if she only put her mind to it. But she has decided to devote her time and energy to our home, and to our son. My mother, one of the smartest women I know, dedicated decades of her life to us, her children, to make sure we received the guidance we needed as children to become good, moral, and well-adjusted adults. My wife, and my mother. Two great women, both homemakers, and there are no two women in the entire world that I respect more than I respect them.

I am not saying that women should stay at home and not consider careers. There is nothing wrong with a woman pursuing her passion and working full-time, as long as she does not neglect her children. There is nothing wrong with a woman choosing to not be a housewife. What is wrong is the notion that women who are housewives are oppressed, less intelligent, less capable, or of a lower caliber than women who are not. Being a housewife is a privilege. I as a husband and father, work hard, to sustain my family's finances so my wife doesn't have to get a job to supplement my income. Because of this, she can focus on what she loves: raising our son and creating a home.

Radical feminism's affront to motherhood is also an attack on the source of motherhood's significance: the importance of humanity itself. To trivialize motherhood is to trivialize children. And who are we all but the sons and daughters of our mothers? Another feminist quote:

"A parasite sucking out the living strength of another organism... the [housewife's] labor does not even tend toward the creation of anything durable... [W]oman's work within the home [is] not directly useful to society, produces nothing. [The housewife] is subordinate, secondary, parasitic. It is for their common welfare that the situation must be altered by prohibiting marriage as a 'career' for woman." - Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 1949.

To call the raising of a child "not tending toward the creation of anything durable" implies the development and growth of a human being are trivial matters. To call work within the home, the abode of the family, society's most basic unit, useless, that just defies reason. And to look down on being a homemaker, a mother, and a wife?

"Mother is God in the eyes of a child."

-Rose (Silent Hill)

Let's see any job trump that.

Buy Gold and Silver - Teach Your Kids About Assets!

"Failing to plan is planning to fail!" Robert Kiyosaki

Most people have a plan on how to make their money, but they do not have a plan on what to do with their money when they make it. Kiyosaki points out that often these are the same people who will have a problem with not having enough money.

He also explains that if you have a good plan before you earn it, then your problem will be having too much money!... Now I like that problem!

Kids need an education on how to plan what to do with their money when they earn it.
Kiyosaki goes on to say,

"Poor people don't have a plan. All they do is earn more money and spend it on bigger liabilities that take more money from their pockets and then they have to earn even more money. Therefore, despite what they earn, they are always short of money."

The solution is to plan to spend earned money on Assets (things that appreciate over time) to make passive income. Don't buy liabilities (things that depreciate and lose money over time) with earned income. Then use some of your passive income from the assets you own to buy the liabilities you want.

Our own kids are all busy planning their enterprises and are successfully making themselves money. They have plans to buy liabilities such as Nerf guns, iPods, computers and so forth, but no plan to buy assets. So I thought it was time to have a conversation with my kids about having a plan to buy assets.

Once "Assets" as opposed to "Liabilities" was explained to the kids they were then able to make a plan to buy assets. Gold and Silver is an excellent asset that our kids could buy with their earned money.

Andrew Smith, a mining engineer, investor and businessman, has been intimately involved with the world of Gold and Silver mining for many years. He gave many excellent reasons why Gold and Silver is well worth considering as a long term asset investment. I'll now explain some of those reasons.

Gold and Silver is recognized world wide as money and can be used to buy products and services just as fiat currencies can. The first gold coin was around in 600BC in Lydia, Asia. The difference being, currencies devalue whilst gold and silver hold their value.

Andrew invented the "Meat Pie Indicator" to show why this is!

Let's see if you can get your head around this explanation of how the Meat Pie Indicator works!!

Back in 1970 you could buy a meat pie for 40c and today the same pie would cost you $4.50. Andrew explains that this indicator shows the Aussie dollar devaluing 350% over a period of 42 years (ie you need 350% more cash to buy the same pie).

What is interesting, is that if you had bought the meat pie with 40c worth of silver back in 1970 when silver was less than $2 an ounce, you would have needed one fifth of an ounce. Yet if you bought the same meat pie today using silver (at $35 an ounce) you would only require about one eighth of an ounce of silver. Silver has increased in value by more than 400% during the same period!

This is a terrific example of the Dollar devaluing due to inflation, whilst Silver (& Gold) gains in value! And no it isn't just the Aussie Dollar that has devalued! All world currencies have! What's worse, is that hyperinflation in certain countries have caused their currency to become absolutely worthless. Take Zimbabwe for example. Interestingly though, the people of Zimbabwe are now using gold to buy and sell goods.

"Inflation is as violent as a mugger, as frightening as an armed robber and as deadly as a hit man," Ronald Reagan 1980

As you can see, having precious metals is a hedge against inflation and devaluing currencies. Although this in its self is a very good reason to own gold and silver, there are also many more reasons.

Reserve Banks around the world are injecting more and more money into their economies. This money is being created out of thin air! Every time this occurs it dilutes the money supply and makes it more expensive to buy goods and services. It creates inflation, which in turn reduces the buying power of the dollar. What also happens is that more money is needed to buy gold and silver!

It is estimated that there is 80,000 tons of gold in the ground (in the World) and we currently mine 2500 tons a year. At the current rate of mining there is less than 30 years of gold left in the ground. Silver is running out even faster with only 20 years of silver mining remaining. I guess you can see that with gold and silver running out and the ever growing world requiring more and more of it, then you would expect their values to increase.

What's more, the Indians and Chinese love buying gold and silver, and as they become wealthier, so will their thirst for these metals. There are 2.6 billion Chinese and Indians. Much of the gold is bought as jewellery during the Hindu wedding season and during the Chinese New Year celebrations. It is estimated that there is 18,000 tons of gold jewellery present in India alone today. That is a huge amount considering that 165,000 tons have been mined world wide to date!

The commercial demand for silver in manufacturing products such as mobile phones, solar panels and mirrors means that the silver used with producing such products is not stored, but used up. This demand has been increasing year by year.

Since 2001 the USD gold price has increased by 500%.

As you can see fundamentally owning gold and silver for the longer term looks to be very promising. So why not introduce your kids to buying this asset class with some of their earned money, or rather than giving them cash for birthday presents, give them silver!

It is very easy to do. The Perth Mint buys and sells gold, silver and platinum. All you need to do is walk in and buy it. Gold at $1750/ounce may be out of their league, but silver at $34/ounce is manageable. They can buy coins or bullion. Bullion will be better value for money, as coins are looked upon as collectables and have an additional cost for minting which greatly inflates the cost to buy the silver.

Our kids now have new goals. Their goals are broken up into three parts and they have a plan for each. A part for buying liabilities, a part for buying assets and a part for tithing!

Raising Kids Using These 3 Important Steps

Raising kids is a very important and meaningful task that parents engage in everyday. Therefore, you really don't want to go at it just sporadically. You also don't necessarily want to base your parenting off of what your parents did or didn't do. Raising kids is a great thing to research! I have 3 steps that can really make a huge difference in how effective you can be as a parent.

1. Have A Big Picture: When parenting you really want to have a destination in mind. Nobody wants to be the parent in the Wendy's fast food line with their kids raising a ruckus. There's an easy way to prevent that from happening and it's called having a big picture. It's easy for parents to recognize where they don't want to be, like Wendy's with their children throwing a fit, but not many parents find it as easy to say where they would like to be.

One of the best ways to improve parenting is to be passionate about having the family of your dreams. If you could create any kind of environment for raising kids what would it be? Write down any aspects of your goal that you are able to as a parent now and refine at a later date.

2. Have A Plan: Every goal in life needs a plan. Get every adult that will be parenting your child and share your goal with them and create a plan of action for raising kids effectively. The specifics of the plan really do not matter as long as the plan is carried out well. When you make a plan be sure that everyone is on board.

Here are some questions to guide your planning... Answer these questions on a sheet of paper and you will have a plan when you're done:

What are the rules I do want to enforce?

What are the rules I want to let go of and not enforce?

What consequences can I use when my child breaks a rule?

Do I have complete control over all of these consequences?

What consequences can I use when my child breaks a rule outside the home?

These are a good start to help guide a parenting plan. Remember a parenting plan does not have to be confusing and hard to incorporate in order to work wonders. The simpler the plan the better.

3. Work The Plan, Evaluate, and Refine: Every plan is going to include parts that don't work so well. Just expect to have to refine it later. But in order to see where the flaws are parents must be actively working their current plan. It is important that you stick with your parenting plan and do not stray. If you parent inconsistently, which has been proven to be ineffective, you will never know what works and what doesn't. STICK TO YOUR PLAN!

Evaluating the impact your plan has had on raising kids will show up in your everyday stress level. Just having a plan will greatly reduce stress; however, a good plan can really have a big impact on decreasing stress in your life. When evaluating, take note of how you feel. This is important in knowing how well your parenting plan is working. Also, it may help to keep tally marks somewhere of a specific behavior that you want to reduce. This behavior can be anything from tantrums to biting.

Evaluate for a week or two and agree to refine the plan after the trial period. After evaluating and learning what consequences did not work it is easy to come up with a better plan after that.

In the Aftermath of Sandy Hook

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."
To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world.

- Fred (Mr.) Rogers

Many parents are deeply concerned about how to communicate with their children about what happened. Here's my two cents:

Turn off the TV and the radio. Protect your child from the relentless intrusion of fear and grief into their world. It's simply not necessary, and the constant replaying of events can be even more harmful to their psyches than what actually happened.

Don't talk about it within their earshot (including on the phone). Keep their lives and routines as normal and typical as possible.

Calm yourself first. Vent your fear, terror, insecurity, rage, grief, and other strong emotions with your partner, friends, relatives, therapist, neighbors, coworkers, etc. before talking with your child, so they don't bleed through your words and scare him, or negatively impact your ability to be attentive to his reactions and emotions.

Keep your explanation brief and neutral: "This person had something wrong with him that made him not able to think clearly or control his actions. He is dead now and cannot do any more harm. The friends and families who lost loved ones are very sad right now, and that is a normal feeling for people to have after someone they love dies. They are getting lots of love and help from many people who care about them, and they will be okay. Every time something like this happens we learn about better ways to keep people safe, and we will learn from this, too."

You don't have to have all the answers. Kids will sometimes ask questions that we don't know how to answer, such as, "Why?" It's okay to say, "I don't know that for sure, honey. But here's what I do know. Most adults are doing everything they can to protect kids from harm. There are LOTS more people in the world who want to help kids than who want to hurt them."

Listening is more important than explaining. Let your child have his feelings about this - don't try to talk him out of them, just love him while he experiences them. His emotional system knows how to clear things like this. Be there to keep him company while he processes it. You don't need to be overly verbal or intellectual - just holding him on your lap or in your arms is extremely helpful and comforting. One of the blessed strengths of childhood is the inability to leave the present moment for long, so when he's ready to get back to playing, let him. There's no need to pry or force him to talk about it.

A Brief Prescription for Conscious Parenting

Conscious parenting in a nutshell:

Before you tell your child not to be upset or cry, understand your own discomfort with strong emotions and tears.

Before you command your child not to touch, determine how you will help him satisfy his innate curiosity and honor his intense drive to explore his environment.

Before you try to teach your child to share, expand and deepen your own generosity of spirit.

Before you fault your child for not listening, ensure that what you are speaking is worth hearing.

Before you lecture your child not to be selfish, analyze your motives for doing so (chances are you'll find some degree of self-interest among them.)

Before you chastise your child for not telling the truth, cultivate the ability to acknowledge and accept things you don't want or like to hear.

Before you accuse your child of cheating or stealing, take a good look at the corners you feel justified in cutting because no one will notice. if you can't think of any offhand, you might start with your tax return and the speed limit.

Before you demand respect, check to see if you've been giving it -- including to your child, your spouse, your waitress, your employer, and the driver of that car moving too slow in the fast lane.

Before you discipline your child for picking on other kids,take inventory of your own desire for power and control.

Before you admonish your child to make better choices, fully infuse your own decisions with wisdom, maturity, and compassion.

Before you drill into your child that education is important, determine how you are modeling the joy and value of learning in your own daily life.

Before you send your child outside for fresh air and exercise, see if you can even remember the last time you stepped outdoors just for the pleasure of it.

Before you inform your child about 'the way things work in this world', realize that you are imposing your limited perspective on an impressionable mind, and decide whether you want to sentence this child to live within that world until he can create his own.

Before you tell your teen to be more responsible, assess how you currently allocate your own time and energy.

Before you order your teenager to straighten up and fly right, scrutinize your own vices and clarify your own path.

The wise parent leads primarily by example.

Christmas Stress: Confessions From A Stressed Mom

It's Christmas eve, and confess, Christmas stress just got to me. For as long as I can remember, I have found get a lot of stress at Christmas time. Even when I was a child, the mayhem of gift-giving, and the pressure to have a perfect day, when so many families are suffering, always gave me a slight case of Christmas stress.

It wasn't until recently that I figured out why I felt that way, and really simplified the materialistic side of Christmas in place of appreciate family and being grateful for all I have.

But today, I have a confession to make... I kind of lost it on my kids. And now I have this mother's guilt thing happening. So here is what happened...
My kids are wonderful but like most kids, they are really wound up today. It's Christmas ever and they are excited about the gifts and cookies and everything else that comes with Christmas. So they were running around the house screaming and playing and I realized they needed to get some fresh air. Getting out in nature always calms them (and me) down.

So this stressed mom got the family into the car and about 5 minutes into the car ride to the hiking trail, which is a good 20 minute drive away, my kids were still screaming and carrying on in the car, and just ignoring me when I asked them to calm down... they were not fighting mind you, but just overpowering everyone else in the car and being annoying in general. And the thing that tipped me over the edge is that they just wouldn't listen when I asked them to settle down. And I feel listening to people is a very important thing to know how to do.

Now, I am a pretty patient mother in general but every now and then, I do lose it. And this was one of those times. I stopped the car and told them they had to separate or take it down a notch. I guess the 'magic' of Christmas was just too strong and they continued being silly and loud. In normal circumstances, I could handle it, but today, I snapped. I turned the car around and went home, sending my husband, who doesn't get bothered by this type of thing, to take them out without me.

Honestly, I just needed a break a bit of down time, and so I took it.

During that hour I sat in the quiet of the house and I realized how lucky I am to have kids, and that sometimes all a stressed mother needs is a little time for herself. Time to reflect and appreciate all she has, despite some normal life frustrations.

Taking the time to think about all I am grateful for really helped me shed my Christmas stress and now I am ready for a fun evening because my patience has been renewed.

I am grateful that my kids are so great. I am grateful we are healthy. I am grateful we have presents under out tree and delicious food on our table, when so many families are feeling the pinch this year. I am grateful that we haven't had any natural disasters in our area, and grateful for where we live. I am grateful for my family and friends, and all the love that surrounds us. I am grateful for my bed. I am grateful for my mom. I am grateful to have such have traveled a lot. I am grateful that my husband is a good cook. I am grateful to be able to work from home and not have to deal with a boss or anyone telling me how much I am worth or what time to be where.

This Christmas Eve, I send my love to all the families and children in the world who are less fortunate than I am right now. But I realize that things could change at any time and never take a moment for granted. And even at times when I feel the stress of being a mom, I appreciate the bigger picture of our life.

So if you are feeling Christmas stress this year, I encourage you to write down a list for everything you are grateful for too.

It changed me right around today and put everything into perspective.

Rebecca

"Grateful mother"

Building Trust With Our Children

As parents we have an incredible influence on the level of our children's self-esteem. The knowledge of this can create some fear, and even guilt with how we may be parenting, but the answer to developing a depth of trust that creates a healthy self-esteem is a lot simpler then we sometimes make it.

We often go to extremes in exposing our children to different experiences, and boosting their confidence with praise, and enrolling them in a myriad of activities to hone their skills and talents. All of this is done with the best of intentions, and the underlying core is that we want our children to grow up with a healthy self-esteem... and in a nutshell, to be happy. But the solution need not be so complicated.

We have sometimes lost sight of the fact that the solution to reaching a deep and meaningful relationship with our children boils down to one thing... communication.

We get caught up in the rat race and speed of life, running them around from activity to activity that we've lost the simplest form of influence in their life... conversation. One of the most effective forms of creating high levels of self-esteem and confidence is letting them know that they are heard and they are seen; that they're not just some project that we need to mould and transform.

Creating a safe place for trust is monumental in opening the doors to building a relationship with our children that lets them know we are always there for them. By being a stable source in their lives creates a security and foundation that allows them to grow into who they are. By knowing you are the source, you will become the sounding-board they need as they grow, experience and explore.

What I've found to be effective with my children is having established a "safe place." This doesn't necessarily have to be a static place, but can be more of an energetic safety zone where they can talk to you openly. I let my children know that whenever they ask to speak in the "safe place" that they are able to share whatever they want with me, without the fear of me getting angry, judging, and having to "fix" whatever is going on for them.

The "safe place" is a place to let go of their fears, concerns, and troubling thoughts, as well as ask questions. Having done this has led to some truly amazingly conversations, and has laid the groundwork for building a relationship of trust and acceptance.

If you are wanting to develop a depth of trust with your children that paves the way for building a strong self-esteem and sense of self, I believe starting with a "safe place" is a great place to start!

Handling Your Child's Tantrums With Hypnosis At Home

A small child has a vocabulary that is very limited and therefore, it is difficult for him or her to successfully express what he or she has in mind. In the same way, the level of control a child has is very weak so emotions get to him or her fast. Perhaps the only people who would find a child's tantrums nice and funny would be the grandparents because for them, it would be a way of seeing their own children struggle with the grandchild's uncontrollable temper. As a parent, it is normal to feel helpless every time your child throws a fit. However, there are ways to handle the situation and that's starting with hypnosis at home.

Tantrums usually become too common when a child is two years old. He or she would continue to test your patience until around eight years of age. There are even some children who would continue with that unacceptable behavior for a few more years. Although tantrums are unavoidable, there are ways that you can prevent them by helping your child with his or her coping mechanisms. This is where a successful series of sessions of hypnosis at home will come into play.

Hypnosis at home helps you, the parent, remain calm in the midst of a fit. It is this calmness and emotional maturity that will be your best tool in these rough times. If you are calm, you will be able to get a good hold of yourself and not join your child as he or she stomps, thrashes and screams at everyone and everything. Once a child sees that you are unfazed of what he or she is doing, then he or she would get the best example to help manage his or her feelings too.

Reasoning with a small child will be futile especially if you try to do that in the middle of a tantrum. So the best measure to curb the frequency and level of tantrums thrown would be to set a good example through actions instead.

Under no circumstances should you spank or discipline a child physically because that would relay three things to a child: a.) that you are uncontrollable, b.) that spanking is acceptable and c.) that feelings should be suppressed and not released.

Is Hypnosis at home Possible For A Child?

Yes, hypnosis is possible for children. In fact, it is regarded as a highly effective means of addressing children's issues. Putting a child into a trance is much easier than adults because they are more receptive to suggestions. Their wide imaginations make it easier to get into the subconscious mind and influence it towards the desired change.

When you're doing hypnosis at home, you must be help your child be in a relaxed state by having him or her sit comfortably in a chair. Choose a spot that is quite and free from distractions. Then help your child take slow, deep breaths until he is in a deeply relaxed state. Then use the power of suggestions to help him better cope with his emotions. Experts advise that you fuel him or her with positive thoughts instead of negative ones. For instance, you do not say "you have been a very bad child and what you did was wrong"; instead say "you are a very good boy/girl." Good luck!

Managing Holiday Expectations: Yours and Your Children's

In case you haven't noticed, it's time to shop for Christmas or Hanukkah. If you haven't noticed, you must be seriously isolated, and I'm concerned for your wellbeing. Many of us are trying to find a way through the commercial blitz while honoring our own values and budgets. Very likely your children are also influenced by the commercialism, raising the need for parents to educate them about what their family's values and budget are. Throw in the wish to preserve the magic of believing in Santa Claus, and many parents find themselves in a bind. I thought I would share some thoughts that I have on helping children with the season.

Great Expectations: Commercials

A major issue is helping children with their expectations. Incidentally, we adults also struggle with this. The ads and the culture raise our hopes that all the holidays will make us all happy, when in fact, many people are more sad at this time-topic for another newsletter. Children see the ads on television or in the newspaper and they are caught up in the same fantasy. "I'll be truly happy if I can have the ___________." This is a good time for parents to spend some time looking at commercials and explaining to children how the manufacturers try to trick us. Observe the ecstatic children, and explain that they are actors. Point out that the toy might be very cheaply made and not perform as shown.

We learned this lesson the hard way twice in my family. There was big disappointment when the toy did not work. I have to take some responsibility for it: I was taken in by the ad. Explain that the point of commercials is to sell toys, not to make children happy or to get them what they need. Even preschoolers can get the idea about this. You can look at a commercial together and ask your child to point out the ways the manufacturer is trying to trick you.

Great Expectations: Budget

I think it's fine and even helpful to explain to children in general terms about the extent of your spending on the holiday, even if Santa is bringing the gifts. This discussion starts with the adults. Decide on what you will spend for the holiday so that you can hold the line with your children. Young children have little concept of cost, but you can educate them. With older children, especially those who no longer believe in Santa, you can be more direct. You can say, "If Santa brings you that game system, there will be a couple of small gifts in addition, but not much else."

Is this crushing hopes, taking the excitement out of the holidays? I don't think so. You don't need to tell your child exactly what to expect. It is just giving them more realistic expectations decreasing the likelihood of disappointment. Remember that many children with learning disabilities and especially those with Asperger Syndrome are concrete in their understanding. They need to know what to expect. I once knew an Aspie boy who made a very long list for Santa complete with websites for ordering items. His parents chuckled at his efforts and got him some of the items on his list. Sadly, he was angry and heartbroken when he did not receive every item on the list. Fortunately, his parents understood that this upset was not about greed but about a misunderstanding. Parents cannot avoid every misunderstanding, but we try.

Good luck with your holiday plans. Consider at the adult level first what you want to emphasize in your holiday observances and your gift-giving. Then communicate this to your children. And give yourself a break. The commercial glitz and the cultural expectation of happy families at the holidays grab us all during this season and raise unrealistic hopes. When that happens try to refocus on what is realistic and what you can be grateful for. I wish you all the best.

Suffer Little Children To Come Unto Me

We are all citizens of this world and as such are aware now more than at any other time in history of the terrible tragedies and suffering happening anywhere on the globe.

Today, as every day since the slaying of those beautiful angels and their courageous teachers, I have watched on TV as the people of Newtown cope with their horrendous nightmare, and I have the greatest admiration for the love, and community spirit shown by all who live in this small town.

I can hardly bear to imagine the pain and suffering of the parents, siblings and grandparents of all who died last Friday.

I live very far away from the United States of America, but I believe that a change in the "Gun Law" there is imminent, I know that the lobbyists won't agree, but the Second Amendment was written for people to have the right to own a firearm when everything seemed more dangerous and threatening than nowadays, and to use them for "Lawful Purposes" and Self Protection in the Home".It seems to me that those laws have been misread, forgotten or, totally disregarded and used for just about every heated argument imaginable.I'm sure the Bill of Rights was never intended for the carnage and heartbreak this law can enable.

"The Second Amendment (Amendment II) to the United States Constitution was adopted on December 15, 1791, along with the rest of the Bill of Rights."

Ironically on December 14th 2012, just one day short of the 221st anniversary of this Amendment, the worst atrocity in the history of these seneless killings, was committed by someone who had the freedom of access to guns, and so was able to vent his anger on a class of kindergarten children.

For the safety of innocent civilians, particularly children, this law must be changed.I sincerely hope that President Obama's promise in Connecticut to that effect, will be carried out as soon as possible, so that anyone with serious mental, anger, or bad temper issues will have to take them elsewhere, and therefore will not have the right to take the life and happiness from another human being.

Christmas is a very special time for families, with the excitement of Santa on his way to small children.It is all the more saddening for the families who have been robbed of this joyful time and Christmas will forever be remembered in Newtown for this awful event, instead of an exciting and happy family time.

I pray that all families living in Newtown will be able to somehow move on for the sake of all the other children in that loving community.

I love America, and feel deeply for everyone who suffered a loss in this way, when it could so very easily have been avoided.

Back to School - It's Time to Label Up

Name Labels and Christmas, for me, go hand in hand. Once Christmas is over and the relatives have disappeared it's time to 'Labeling-up'.

Being a parent is all about planning. It's getting to know the routine and making sure that everything is organized around this. This means that at specific times in the year - nearly always around school holidays I take stock of all the children's clothes and whether they need the next size up. And if they do, I make sure that there is a name label attached.

This may all sound a bit over the top I know. But I have spent too many times looking around and routing about for my children jumpers, shoes and the like.

In one year and I'm not kidding, my child managed too loose, 3 jumpers; 1 coat; 3 socks; he came home with some other child's shoe, a fleece and 1 pair of pants.

Now, I did manage to find those items. But it took time.

In many ways it is like a 'find my [fill in the blank] App. This is a low-tech option for those parents that want their children's stuff to be retuned to them.

So if you do find yourself in the planning mood before the new terms starts here is our 5-point plan to get you going.

Make a list

Men are terrible at list writing. I think they have an allergic reaction to it. But it is essential. And that list needs to include all the clothes and either needs replacing or labeling up.

The next size

This is a phrase that only applies to parents. It feels like a never ending cycle of new clothes coming into the house. The phrase "the next size up" is so common now that my 5 year old understands it perfectly. And someone times uses it to her advantage. The things girls do for clothes!

Buy your labels in advance

Now this really depends on your current skills. In that I mean, are you good with a needle. If you are needle proud then you can buy and stitch in traditional woven labels. Now these labels you don't tend to see often but they are still available. They will have your child's name stitched into them.

Alternatively if you don't have those skills then sticky ones will do just as well.

Don't forget spares

Children's clothes and their stuff get so much ware. And boys clothes, in our house at any rate tend to get muckier and worn out quicker. This means from time to time labels fall off. So it's handy to carry a few spares. Just in case of emergencies.

Half term start again

As parents there are so many instances where you have to learn as you go and for me this has meant there is a continuing cycle around each half term. It's not quite the circle of life... more like the circle school life.

Bone Love

Some days it feels like the eleventh hour at 1pm.

Most days you go to sleep with the sensation of having been physically, mentally and emotionally water-boarded for the last twelve plus hours.

Everyday, somehow, you continue to show up for more. And even more miraculously, find deep sustenance in a single smile or whispered "I love you, mama."

There, in the presence of great love, are you humbled.

In these small, poignant slivers of time, it feels as life breathes you. That somehow there is nothing more beautiful. That you are complete.

I wouldn't begin to lie that this love is unconditional. But perhaps it's not conditionality we seek to escape but rather a unity we desire to feel.

When laying, my body curled around Quinn, my 3 month old son, I have a distinct sense of not being physically able to be close enough. That this soft baby skin against my own is all too much distance still. That I want simply to melt into him, to feel his soul in my bones, timeless in a solitary exhalation.

Above all, I want this for my sons. For them to know this love fully. To the core, to the bones of their being, they feel this benthic echo of something found, they never knew was lost.

I know fully this is something my words will never teach and my actions can only point to. But that this is true nourishment. This is where real life begins and ends and all the in-betweens.

Parenting has a way of breaking you. Whittling you down, running you over, and then reversing. It has a way of taking you to the brink of yourself.

I have a bad habit of waking up in the morning and assessing the weight of my dark circles to divine the outcome of the day. On average, about five days a week, there is a clear premonition that I should jump immediately back into bed. This would be ever so easy if the one obstacle wasn't the one variable, responsible and still helplessly reliable, on my everything.

I was advised once by someone very wise, that if I sought to garner spiritual awareness and emotional evolution, to get hitched. As a long-term relationship would be 100 times more challenging and ultimately fulfilling than living in any ashram. I'd just like to add to this, that if one wishes to take themselves to spiritual and emotional boot-camp, have kids.

Being a younger mother, many of my closest friends are kid-less and single. Days when I find a solitary morsel of respite in the evening drive to get Quinn to sleep or the "me" time I get while drying dishes, I can hardly bear hearing about their day at the beach spent languidly reading a book, followed by yoga class, meditation, and dinner with friends. Forget reading, yoga, and adult conversation, just give me a consecutive six hours of sleep and I'd pay a small fortune.

I realized during this last pregnancy that my life, right now, is "yoga", is my practice, and I can't imagine more demanding teachers than the two I've got.

In a past yoga workshop we were asked to go around a say a bit about how our "practice" was going and time spent doing asanas and meditation. I was the only one out of the group with small children and the first to share my experience. My words more or less described my life as "managed chaos" and that my practice was staying afloat, my meditation characterized by the three deep exhales I've been attempting on the verge of freak-out, and my asanas were mostly forward bends to pick up tiny socks, Legos, and smooshed play-doh. The rest of the class went around and shared time spent in minutes or hours on their practice and the teacher concluded with her shock of how little time people spent and, directed towards myself, how she was sure it would be possible to eek out a little "mat time" everyday.

At least at this point in my life, life is very much off the mat, and off the map, of everything I previously knew to make sense. Constantly and consciously finding balance is my yoga.

As a parent, you can pretty much plan on things not going to plan. And for a type-A person like myself this micro-management is a tough one to give up. Just when you have the diaper bag packed and the lunches made, and the breakfast cleaned up, the baby poops through not one, not two, but three layers of clothing and all over you (how is this even possible?!) So, you change the baby, you change you, you get almost out the door and the phone rings. It's the daycare provider and she's sick. Change of plans. Again. If the lesson is non-attachment, consider parenting the Upper Division Physics version of the class.

Authentic selflessness comes to reside with you the day you become a parent. Especially as a mother, the moment I realized new life was budding inside of me, was the moment I truly began to live for something more than myself. To even know something more than myself, and to love something more than myself. This recognition is an insidious one. It was weeks or perhaps months before I could fully articulate, even on a feeling level, that the "me" I had been so completely and entirely invested in up until this point, had taken the back seat to this fragile, little, pink thing that embodied perfection. And just like "perfection" there are other words you soon realize the full-bodied meaning of: beauty, softness, love, pain, fear, work, rest, breath, to name a few. It's as though suddenly life comes alive. Emotions take on a richer hue, a density, a weighted dimensionality.

So perhaps I'm giving up approximately 3,276 hours of consecutive nighttime sleep over the next three years (but who's counting?). Perhaps, the greatest accomplishment in a day comes from the sound of two well-fed babies finally asleep and the backwards glance at a cleaned kitchen. And perhaps it will be eighteen plus years from now before I open that next "me" chapter in this life.

But I do know the fringe of life and love. I know the fullness too, and I've felt it and continue to feel it to the edges, almost bursting. I always knew I wanted this, and there's no way I could have ever known what "this" really was. I just knew I needed to feel life at its roots, at its inception. Ultimately, this has changed me into a woman I like more. This has changed me to my bones.

Learn From Children - 4 Lessons I Have Learned From My Children

It's been over eleven years since enjoying experiencing the joy of fatherhood, but the memory of my son grasping my finger for the first time has never faded.

I think of all these years that I have done my best to teach him all I could to prepare for what is out there. Looking back, there were a lot of things that he, in turn, taught me.

And what is it that we can learn from these helpless beings that depend on us so much? Forgotten feelings and emotions that can make us stop and say, "Yeah, this is what life is all about."

Unconditional love

I know I will always love and be there for my children whenever they need me, no matter what happens. I never would have had a true concept of what this feeling really was until my first born. And once my second biological son was born, I was reminded of that euphoria once again. The purest form of love always helps us do what we think (yeah, what we think and definitely not what others may think) is best for our children no matter what. Good or bad, It's a feeling no one should ever go without.

Patience

I have never been called a patient person. As a matter of fact, I have always considered myself one of the most impatient person there can be.

But having a child has changed that substantially. Not that I turned around and have patience all the time, but when it comes to the children, my capacity for patience increased ten fold. It has to. When you have an infant crying in your arms and there is nothing that appeases them, our capacity for patience can surprise us.

Trust

Trust isn't something we necessarily may experience ourselves, but I am actually referring to the amount of trust a newborn has for their parents. Granted, they HAVE to trust us to feed them, protect them and assure they have everything they need, but from that, a truly strong bond can develop into a wonderful open and honest relationship between you and your children.

But remember. Breaking that trust can harm the relationship, sometimes beyond repair.

Importance of Family

The birth of our son completed our blended family and reminds me of how thankful I am for the family I have today. After going through a divorce, I realized the importance of family and our son brought my new wife and I together, closer than ever. Our little angel brought two families closer than anything else ever could and we are exited for the future we all will have together.

I look back and think, "Yeah, I remember all these feelings." But in reality, time can slip away quickly, making it all to easy to forget the simple things that we hold close to our hearts. Sometimes it just takes a jump start to remember, and our new son provide that spark for me.

But the most important lesson I have learned is you can't get time back. Enjoy what you have, when you have it.

What Did You Call Me?

My wife, Roberta, and I were both raised by old school parents; part of that upbringing says a child should never, ever address an adult by their first name. Early in our relationship my wife's children's, ages 10 and 14, called me Mr. Gerardo and Mr. Campbell. When we started making wedding plans we discussed what the children should call me after we jumped the broom. At the time, Roberta had joint custody with her ex so being called dad or another father derivative was not an option.

The kids also agreed; I felt it sounded too stuffy to continue with Mr. Campbell and Mr. Gerardo so I asked to be called by my first name (so much for my old school training). I guess Gerardo was a mouthful for everyone. Eventually, everyone began calling me "G" which continues to this day. After my son Nathaniel was born, the kids referred to me as Daddy when speaking with Nathaniel. Now that Nathaniel is a wise teenager he frequently calls me "Old Man."

Question 1: Should I Force my Children to Call my Boyfriend Dad?

Background

This question is from a single mom who has been living with her boyfriend. She has two daughters from a previous relationship and they have a daughter together. Her children do not want to call him dad until after they get married. The children reached this decision on their own. The boyfriend hasn't proposed to the mom yet and there's uncertainty whether he ever will. The mom doesn't feel she should force her older daughters to call him dad. The boyfriend feels she should and he's resentful of her decision.

Answer

Absolutely not; you should not force your children to call your boyfriend dad. You should praise your children for their wisdom in wanting to wait until you are married before calling him dad. Again, it should be your children's decision. Also, you shouldn't be surprised if they decide not to call him dad after you're married. Your boyfriend needs to understand your children already have a dad and he is deserving of the title. It's troubling he would make an issue about being called dad yet has not proposed or discussed his intentions for the future regarding you and your children.

Question 2: What Should my Son call his new Stepfather?

Background

This question is from a single mom who's remarrying. Her son is five years old and his biological father is very involved in his life. She doesn't think Daddy or Dad is appropriate. She's concerned about her son calling his stepdad by his first name. She feels it's a little too informal and mature for a five year old.

Answer

I agree; your son calling his new stepfather Daddy or Dad isn't appropriate. The title of Dad should be reserved for the biological father. It would be up to your son to decide if he eventually wants to call his stepdad "Dad." I also agree that five years old is too young to be calling an adult by their first name. Your son could call his new stepdad, "Pa," "Pop," "Daddy G (first initial of first name)," or adopt a foreign version of dad, for example, Padre or Papi (Spanish), Otosan (Japanese) or Papa (French). Check out the following link for more ideas: father in different languages.

I suggest first running the names past your fiance to identify the pool of names he likes and then present them to your son and leave it up to him to pick the one he wants to use.

Question 3: What does my 18 month old call his step Grandma?

Background

This question is from a mother of an 18 month old son who doesn't have a name for her child to call her father's wife. She doesn't consider her a stepmother since her dad married her after she was already grown and she refers to her by her first name. It doesn't seem right for my son to call her "Grandma." In her words, he already has two of those. The step grandma loves her grandson and does a lot for him.

Answer

If your father's wife is a modern grandma, she's probably interested in a name synonymous with fun and joie de vivre. Some modern names for Grandma include: G-Mom, MayMay, Mimi, Nina, Bella and GiGi. If she's more traditional minded you could call her Nana, Granny, Gamma, Grandmama and Gran. You can also consider adopting a foreign version of grandma. There's Hebrew for grandmother, "Bubbe," Italian is "Nonna," Greek is "Ya-Ya" and Spanish is "Abuela." Having lived in Germany for five years I'm partial to "Oma."

Final Thoughts

William Shakespeare wrote, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." In the context of stepparents it means, "What matters is who you are as a person, not what your called." Although we may never be called, "Dad" or "Mom" we choose to be and act like one deserving of the title.

How to Teach Strong Moral Values

For kids to adequately learn robust moral values and stand beside their family credence, they must have something to believe in. When kids feel there is something greater than their parents watching over them and judging them, they tend to discern situation's better and don't get into ridiculous hurdles.

Parents can easily teach their children morality from the foundations set in the spiritual guide showing the value of one's life, The Holy Bible. Not to sound religious or pushy of Christian values, but aside from God's declaration written in the bible, there are no other tough hold kids can look up to or truly live by that can give security or a sure footing in reasons to shun immorality and wicked behavior.

When kids understand there is a majestic God who sees and stands behind His every word. Children begin to have a sound mind when you're not around to hold their hands, because now, they can think of the best possible solution to a problem or simply just walk away from trouble altogether.

If you do not follow Christian principles, you can precisely forget about teaching your children strong moral values because the TV, and their friends at school will do your job for you, and it will be the worst job ever. Understand the entourage about you, and your children will literally prevent you from learning what virtuous living is, and why children need to obey their parents aside from the righteous way of life taught in the bible.

The regular TV programs you watch as a family for laughs and down time along with the sturdy pulls of this tremendously immoral world will succor your children into living their lives in the now. They will succumb to adhere to what feels pleasant for today without a pinch of thought or worries about the consequences of their actions.

At this point, they will utterly think nothing of having promiscuous sex with multiple partners or homosexual people because it feels good. Neither will, taking what doesn't belong to them nor stealing to get their way, lying and cheating to show some kind of sick decent face will not ever faze your children. This happens because they do not believe the goodness that comes from the true source of living a life based on morality. This is heartrending, but true!

You cannot expect your children to believe or have faith in something you do not believe in. Therefore, the Bible is the unsurpassed educator of ethical values, and it is your job to teach your children how to live a decent life based on its strong moral worth. If you don't do it as loving parents, then honestly and bluntly no one else can or has the power to, besides God. Even so, realize God only speaks through his written word, the Bible! It is your job to read it, and teach your children its integrity, so they can live their best life ever.